The Pedaling Prince

Legalizing Marijuana

2012-01-28T09:28:00.000-04:00

Creeps

2012-01-21T17:00:00.000-04:00

Bursitis

2012-01-14T14:26:00.002-04:00

Happy New Year 2012!

2012-01-07T17:03:00.003-04:00

2011

2011-12-31T13:36:00.000-04:00

Christmas Lights

2011-12-24T12:52:00.000-04:00

Servicom Christmas Dinner

2011-12-17T02:56:00.002-04:00

Troll Food

2011-12-10T17:38:00.000-04:00

Orchard Music Scam Part II

2011-12-03T16:56:00.002-04:00

MV Highlanders

2011-11-26T22:08:00.000-04:00

The Orchard Music Scam

2011-11-19T16:27:00.000-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

These postings are automatically mirrored here from my blog. However, as of November 22, Facebook will no longer be offering the option to mirror an external blog in Notes. Therefore, this is the last episode of The Pedaling Prince's Podium that will appear in Facebook Notes. If you wish to continue to follow the series you can do so at this playlist; also my YouTube uploads mirror automatically on my wall and you can, of course, follow it on my aforementioned blog as well.

You can watch this week's episode by clicking here.

Success

2011-11-12T17:43:00.001-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

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You can watch this week's episode by clicking here.

Mid-Life Crisis

2011-11-05T01:42:00.000-03:00

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Halloween 2011: The Raven

2011-10-29T00:15:00.001-03:00

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Cabot Trail in Fall

2011-10-22T02:47:00.000-03:00

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Food

2011-10-16T08:24:00.000-03:00

If you're a regular visitor here, you've probably noticed that traditional "written" blog entries these days are extremely rare. Once in a very long while I'll decide a particular topic is best handled in writing but, 99% of the time, if I have something to say I'll say it in an episode of my YouTube series The Pedaling Prince's Podium and embed it.

Well, I didn't see any reason why my Blog Action Day entry should be any exception. With that in mind, welcome to this special Blog Action Day edition The Pedaling Prince's Podium (if you're reading this in Facebook Notes click here to watch):

If this is your first time watching The Podium, and you enjoyed it, you can watch more of the series (42 episodes and counting :)) here:

If you'd like to view a list of all episodes, please visit the playlist. The playlist is updated each time a new episode airs; The Podium airs by no later than 7:30 PM every Saturday. If you have a YouTube account you can also subscribe to me on YouTube.

Happy Blog Action Day! :)

Money

2011-10-08T19:18:00.002-03:00

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Pain Gain

2011-10-01T17:07:00.000-03:00

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Life with Marie III

2011-09-24T01:18:00.000-03:00

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Two Rivers

2011-09-17T16:42:00.000-03:00

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9/11 + 10

2011-09-10T10:51:00.000-03:00

This is a Pedaling Prince's Podium special presentation in memory of September 11, 2001.

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Criterium

2011-09-03T13:52:00.000-03:00

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Happy Birthday, Marie!

2011-08-27T11:12:00.000-03:00

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Action Week Fireworks

2011-08-20T16:17:00.000-03:00

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Sound Advice

2011-08-13T10:27:00.001-03:00

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Jost House: A Child's Perspective

2011-08-06T16:09:00.000-03:00

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A Day Out

2011-07-30T10:50:00.000-03:00

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Jost Heritage House II

2011-07-23T15:28:00.001-03:00

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Welcome Home, Rob!

2011-07-16T15:14:00.000-03:00

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Cossit House: Tied Up in Red Tape

2011-07-09T09:27:00.000-03:00

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I regret that the episode I had planned for today on Cossit House, the oldest standing house in Sydney, cannot be aired because Cossit House is under the authority of The Old Sydney Society which has strict rules regarding production of video and film on their property; they have asked it not be aired until it goes through "proper channels."

Now they may decide to let me air it once I go through their formal procedures; I'll keep you posted as anything develops on that front. As for this week, unfortunately I was not told about this until the last moment, I was unable to complete an alternate episode in time for this week.

So, for lack of any alternative I aired some of it but without audio and with titles superimposed explaining what happened. So, if you'd like to know more about what happened, please watch this week's episode.

If you'd like to encourage The Old Sydney Society to air my Cossit House segment, here's how you can reach them:

Sydney's Lyceum
225 George Street, Sydney, NS B1P 1J5
Phone/Fax: (902) 539-1572
Email: oldsydneysociety@ns.aliantzinc.ca

Jost Heritage House

2011-07-02T17:49:00.000-03:00

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Heal the Heel

2011-06-25T15:47:00.000-03:00

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If you can help, or have any suggestions on where Marie can find help, please email me.

Going the Distance for Diabetes

2011-06-18T09:54:00.000-03:00

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Bike Week

2011-06-11T12:53:00.000-03:00

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Introduction to Triathlon

2011-06-04T16:04:00.000-03:00

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Life with Marie II

2011-05-28T10:26:00.000-03:00

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Ride of Silence

2011-05-21T14:00:00.000-03:00

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Velo Cape Breton Season Opening Banquet

2011-05-14T12:38:00.000-03:00

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Cycling Injuries and Medicine

2011-05-07T16:04:00.000-03:00

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Madeline Found a Home!

2011-04-30T01:40:00.000-03:00

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Send a message to Madeline.

Want My Vote?

2011-04-24T22:10:00.000-03:00

As most of you know, I am Canadian; you may also know that Canada is currently running a federal election. A little over a week ago, I sent out the following email to all the candidates in my riding:

From: John A. Ardelli <gelfling@syd.eastlink.ca>
Date: April 17, 2011 11:45:24 PM ADT
To: Cecil Clarke <cecilclarke@bellaliant.com>, Mark Eyking <Markeyking@gmail.com>, Kathy MacLeod <KathyMacLeodNDP@gmail.com>, Chris Milburn <chris.milburn@greenparty.ca>
Subject: Who to Vote For

A lot of people are disillusioned with politicians. Many people I've overheard on the street have actually said they weren't going to bother to vote because they don't think it'll make any difference regardless who gets in. I understand how they feel; I often feel that way, too. However, I also know that nothing is going to change unless we get the right person in office and that's not going to happen if we give up and stop voting altogether; we just have to know who to vote for.

So that leaves the million dollar question: how do we know who to vote for?

With all respect, I don't believe in modern politics. To me, the whole "campaign trail" thing is little more than a fancy popularity contest with the most popular candidate, rather than the best one for the job, getting in. So, myself personally, I don't see any value in all the TV and radio spots, the newspaper spots, the websites etc. They say a lot about what a candidate intends to do but little about what a candidate can do; a candidate may have all the best intentions but may, in the end, find themselves unable to fulfil their campaign promises.

In short, what I want to see is not what a candidate wants to do but what they are able to do. Whatever candidate can prove to me that they can make a difference once in office will get my vote.

So, you want to demonstrate what you're willing and able to do for people in your riding? I know someone who could use your help:

I've known Marie Stewart, my current girlfriend, for almost six years now. As I've gotten to know her over the years, I've come to realize she's one of the hardest working people I know with a lot of untapped potential, most of which is only limited by her lack of education and, as she's gotten older, physical limitations. For many years now she's been trying to better herself, to learn new skills and get into the workforce but no one seems willing or able to help her.

Marie never finished school. It's not that she wasn't willing to learn; she simply never got the guidance she needed. She has a learning disability and, upon hitting Grade Five, she hit the proverbial wall and was unable to continue. Having gotten to know her over the years I know she has tremendous potential; I've seen her grasp things, particularly how to operate new household technologies, with an ease the tech challenged would envy. Obviously she could learn more; all she needs is someone who understands how she learns with enough patience to teach her.

At the moment, her marketable skills are limited. She has extensive experience in both residential and commercial cleaning and limited experience in a retail setting but little more than that. She has made several attempts to further her education and has been stymied mostly for lack of funds; her cheque from Community Services simply will not cover any attempt to further her education. Also, although she has a firm grasp of technologies like voicemail and DVR, her knowledge of and experience with computers is very limited.

On top of that, she is 52 years old and is developing health problems. Her biggest issue is a bone spur in her heel; it makes it excruciatingly painful for her to stand for any length of time. This limits her ability to do any job, like cleaning, that requires her to be on her feet. Her doctors have told her she needs custom made footwear but such footwear would cost in excess of $300.00. She's asked Community Services for help with this but they refuse to help her except to get cheaper, pre-made shoes which her own doctors tell her are useless for her.

When she tries to improve herself she often meets with resistance, and often outright hostility, from Community Services. For example, she's been working part time at a local hotel to try to supplement her income. She's not trying to defraud the government; it's simply that her cheque, less than $900.00 a month, is not enough to cover her attempts to further herself. Yet when she talks to Community Services they treat her as if she's trying to cheat the government. No. Community Services refused to help her; now she's simply trying to help herself.

Her Community Services cheque simply isn't enough for her to pay her day to day expenses, much less help her get back on her feet. She doesn't want to stay on the cheque; she'd much rather be earning her own money but without education and computer skills and with her body betraying her, her ability to work is diminishing. If she had the proper help, the custom footwear she needs, the proper 21st Century high school education and the proper guidance, she could be a valuable asset in the workforce but she just doesn't know where to start and no one will help her.

For the past 12 years all Community Services will tell her, in a nutshell, is that she has to go through "proper channels" if she wants to improve herself, but those "channels" are designed with people with normal learning capability in mind. That's why she ends up having trouble when she takes course etc. because the courses designed for the ordinary learner and she needs special attention.

The problem is that Marie IS highly intelligent and she comes off that way when you first meet her; you can't really tell, on first meeting, she has a learning problem. That's because once she learns a new skill she can apply it as well as or better than most but it takes her longer to learn in the beginning. Ordinary educators just don't seem to know how to approach teaching her and tend to lose patience with her before she can manage to learn the skill they're trying to teach.

She wants to learn. She wants to get off her cheque, make her own money, be successful. She doesn't know where to start. I'm speaking on her behalf today because in 12 years of trying to better herself no one so far has listened, no one has been willing to help. That's why I'm asking for your help. If any of you can tell us where to begin, can get Marie the medical help she needs, help her find people that can really work with her to learn new skills, please get in touch with me (my contact information is below) or Marie Stewart herself at ***-****.

Whoever here can help us I guarantee will have my vote, no questions asked. The way I see it is if you actually find Marie the help she's been trying for so many years to find you'll have proven to me that you're a candidate who can do what they promise.

Now helping Marie is the most important thing in my life right now. However, I do have political issues of my own I'd also like to see addressed. I produce a "personal news" program on YouTube called The Pedaling Prince's Podium. Myself and Marie both have expressed a few political opinions on the show since it started airing January 1; you might find watching the following episodes interesting (and as Marie makes a personal appearance on the first of these this'll give you a chance to "meet" her, too):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmqi3l8ArBk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3qk8fhpZ-4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MduDNy3jusc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v21STia9ij4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbLIdKPMFYY

Comments, of course, are welcome (and may also help me decide who to vote for, or even promote on the show ;)). Also, the following playlist, updated every Saturday when a new show airs, lists every episode of the series:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=532E63A55D3F1561

If you like the show, just put that in your bookmarks. :) Also, feel free to share it with anyone you think might want to see it.

Thank you for your attention. Please, if there's anything you can do to help, feel free to contact us any time.

So far I've only gotten a response from one candidate, and that was to point out information on their website pertaining to Marie's situation. While I appreciate the fact that this candidate at least took the time to acknowledge our plea (which is more than the other candidates have done to date) I'm constrained to point out that I said specifically in the original email that I was interested in action from the candidates, not to read information on their websites.

Not that I don't think all of the candidates have some great ideas; they do. However, as I said, there's no way to know how many of these grand, wonderful promises will actually come to fruition once the candidate is in power.

That's why I'm asking for direct assistance for Marie in this matter; the way I see it is if a candidate can actually do something to help her then that candidate will have proven to me that they are also willing and able to make good on the promises made on their party's website. So, as one candidate (you know who you are) at least responded I do appreciate that but it's action we need; we need someone to speak on Marie's behalf whom people will listen to.

Her situation is precarious; she needs immediate help. As things currently stand, she will not be getting her cheque this month; we have no idea where her rent money is going to come from when it's due. We need help finding her financial assistance, whether it be the reinstatement of her cheque, finding her a job she's physically and mentally able to do, or providing the tuition and living expenses she needs to further her education and deal with her medical issues.

So please, I'm asking once again: help us. Get in touch with us ASAP. Whoever can actually do something for her will get my vote and support 100%.

On the other hand, if no one does help, I won't vote at all. Not because I don't want to or don't care but, put simply, if somebody doesn't prove to me that they're actually able to do something to make this country a better place I'll have no idea who to vote for; I'd rather not vote at all than essentially pick randomly and hope I picked the right candidate.

So please, get in touch with us ASAP.

Time is running out.

Sydney Harbour

2011-04-23T14:34:00.000-03:00

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Behind the Glass

2011-04-16T15:34:00.000-03:00

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More Troll Victims

2011-04-12T00:11:00.001-03:00

Well, it seems that onecoolchick67/billrankin316/Jessica Drinkwater is taking advantage of the anonymity of her account to attack others on YouTube besides me:

onecoolchick67 commented on Skiles Gets Sick (2 days ago)

"Nice giant nose and small mouth by the way. It sounds to me like puberty is beating the shit out of you. This is nothing more then a desperate attempt to get views on youtube, which is a complete fail by the way. Nasa should start landing shuttles on the craters in your face. Great Job! Mahalo!" less

onecoolchick67 commented on Foot Massage (5 days ago)

"damn that chick has ugly feet"

onecoolchick67 commented on Head Massage in India 2010 ... (5 days ago)

"that stupid bitch is completely annoying. i wish she would have kept her mouth shut for this video, her speech sounds like shes hacking up phelgm on every word and that laugh is horrifying" less

onecoolchick67 commented on The Cosmic Barber: Baba's I... (1 week ago)

"I like the guy hawking the loogies at 4:02 and 4:19."

Needlessly nasty at best; unconscionably uncharitable at worst.

In response, I created the following video:

(If you're reading this in Facebook notes, click here to see it.)

I've emailed that to every person above she's harassed so far and will email it to every person I catch her harassing on YouTube (or anywhere else) from this point on. I like to use The Pedaling Prince's Podium to help people when I can and this is a great opportunity to help others defend themselves against her pedomorphic pugnacity.

Stay tuned; I'll keep you all updated as this story breaks. :)

Free Publicity!

2011-04-09T17:58:00.000-03:00

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More from the Troll

2011-04-09T16:43:00.000-03:00

Begin forwarded message:

From: Jessica Drinkwater
Date: April 9, 2011 2:44:37 PM ADT
To: gelfling@syd.eastlink.ca

hey john, i've been doing some research and i've discovered a few things....

(using other ppl's phone to argue with your mother), (yelling at other cyclists because
their not riding on the proper side of the road), (stalking and threatening women to the point they have
to get the police involved). Your an evil man John Archibald Ardelli and you will be exposed.
I have plenty of people giving me new information every week about you. Anyway i must
go and keep digging. Do you still go to the movie theatre for the wrestling ppv's? lol

Begin forwarded message:

From: "John A. Ardelli"
Date: April 9, 2011 4:40:42 PM ADT
To: Jessica Drinkwater
Subject: Re:

On 2011-04-09, at 2:44 PM, Jessica Drinkwater wrote:

hey john, i've been doing some research and i've discovered a few things....

Cool.

(using other ppl's phone to argue with your mother)

I have NO idea what you're talking about here as far as "other people's phone" but I argue with my mother all the time; this is not news.

(yelling at other cyclists because their not riding on the proper side of the road)

Everyone knows I do that, though I don't usually bother now; no one listens, anyway so it's kind of a waste of time.

(stalking and threatening women to the point they have to get the police involved).

I never threatened anyone but I DID pester an old girlfriend WAY too much to try to get her to talk to me. I don't deny that; the whole story is still on my blog for all to read to this day. :)

Your an evil man John Archibald Ardelli and you will be exposed.

Great! Thanks again for all your help promoting my show! Oh, and don't forget to check out this week's episode; it's all about YOU! It's kind of a thank you. I just finished rendering it and I'll be uploading it as soon as I post these emails to my blog; I'll send you a link. :)

Oh, that reminds me. If you want to put comments up under your CURRENT profile I've unblocked you. I wouldn't normally but this publicity opportunity is too good for me to pass up. :)

I have plenty of people giving me new information every week about you.

Speaking of stalking...

Do you still go to the movie theatre for the wrestling ppv's?

Not for over a year.

How come you don't know THAT, if you know so much...? :P

Anyway, once again thanks for the publicity! Make sure I get a link to this video you're planning to do so I can help YOU promote YOUR show, OK? Thanks! :)

John A. Ardelli
http://pedalingprince.blogspot.com

Troll's Out from Under Her Bridge Again

2011-04-07T00:51:00.000-03:00

OK. Looks like my troll is back and she isn't going anywhere.

This should be fun. :)

In short, she tried to post a comment to an episode of The Pedaling Prince's Podium under someone else's name; I've been blocking her ever since. So she emailed me under a fake name; the following exchange ensued:

Begin forwarded message:

From: Jessica Drinkwater
Date: April 5, 2011 2:49:43 PM ADT
To: gelfling@syd.eastlink.ca
Subject: hey john, i find this upsetting :(

I've been following your videos since day 1 and i'm very upset that you blocked me from commenting because i have different opinions. I'm not saying anything
out of context, or being hateful towards you. I just have a different opinion on certain subjects and its very immature of you to block anyone who doesn't agree
with what you say. It's time to grow up and realize the whole world doesnt revolve around you and people will disagree with what you say. I did infact enjoy the
video about wentworth park and of course the spring beard trim. They were kind and upbeat videos, and around here that is exactly what we need these days.
If someday your videos ever get really popular, there will be people who don't agree with you and your going to have to start blocking thousands of people so
that nobody can say anything negative and you can remain in your perfect world. I will still watch your videos every week but wish you would reconsider what
you've done to me by blocking :( If i like your particular video i will give you props on the comments for sure! but if i dont like the video i will speak my mind,
but never in a harsh way to embarass you or anything, im not that kind of person.
Begin forwarded message:

From: "John A. Ardelli"
Date: April 5, 2011 5:27:53 PM ADT
To: Jessica Drinkwater
Subject: Re: hey john, i find this upsetting :(

On 2011-04-05, at 2:49 PM, Jessica Drinkwater wrote:

I've been following your videos since day 1 and i'm very upset that you blocked me from commenting because i have different opinions.

I have no problem with differing opinions; "cooldude6373's" opinions are still up, for example. You'll also notice I didn't post your POSITIVE comment, either. I'm blocking you because you because you tried to post to my channel under someone else's name. I KNOW "billrankin316" is you. I've been working with computers since I was 12; I know how to find out these things.

So, you want your comments up? Fine; do it under your REAL handle.

I will still watch your videos every week but wish you would reconsider what you've done to me by blocking :(

Not until you tell me who you are, how you found me and can prove your identity. If you don't want the AUDIENCE to know who you are I have no problem with that; I won't PUBLISH who you are but I will KNOW who you are before you get so much as a single comment posted.

If I seem harsh, just bear in mind that the whole "billrankin316" thing really pissed me off royally; I'm not posting another comment from you until I know, 100% certain, WHO YOU ARE. Period.

John A. Ardelli
http://pedalingprince.blogspot.com

Begin forwarded message:

From: Jessica Drinkwater
Date: April 6, 2011 3:00:23 PM ADT
To: gelfling@syd.eastlink.ca

ok, that sounds fair john, so everyone else who posts comments on your videos must abide by your rules and you MUST know 100% who they are? that is the dumbest
thing i ever heard in my life. Did cooldude tell you who he was? I somehow doubt it. I've been in sydney the past couple days and i've asked around about you. The
people i was talking to didnt have very pleasant things to say. They said if they ask you anything about your bike, you will tie them up for 45 minutes just rambling
on and on about stupid things they dont want to hear about and they will politely try to get away from you. I also heard that you call the police on your neighbors if
they're making a little bit of noise. So that just means you are a coward and a rat. I'm never watching another one of your videos again, BUT, i will be making my own
videos exposing you for being the fraud you are. The people of Cape Breton must know the truth!

Begin forwarded message:

From: "John A. Ardelli"
Date: April 7, 2011 12:30:48 AM ADT
To: Jessica Drinkwater
Subject: Re:

On 2011-04-06, at 3:00 PM, Jessica Drinkwater wrote:

ok, that sounds fair john, so everyone else who posts comments on your videos must abide by your rules and you MUST know 100% who they are?

No; just you. The others didn't try to post under someone else's name like you did.

I'm never watching another one of your videos again, BUT, i will be making my own videos exposing you for being the fraud you are. The people of Cape Breton must know the truth!

Comparing the above to your previous message:

"i will speak my mind, but never in a harsh way to embarass you or anything, im not that kind of person."

And you call ME a fraud...

John A. Ardelli
http://pedalingprince.blogspot.com

I have a feeling this is going to be wildly entertaining so keep an eye on this blog; if she has anything else to say, or if she actually follows through with her threat to make videos to "expose" me I'll post it all here.

Gotta love trolls. Free publicity for The Podium! Love it! :)

Ravaged Roads

2011-04-03T09:20:00.000-03:00

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Small but significant update on Madeline. Marie called and Madelline's sister picked up, said, "No, [Madeline]'s not [available]," and immediately hung up. This is not surprising to us; Madeline's sister has behaved like that before. Problem is, while obviously we now know Madeline's phone is still connected we still have no idea what's happened to Madeline herself.

So, once again, if anyone out there knows Madeline or her family please let her know we're looking for her; she'll certainly recognize our names and I'm sure she'll want to get in touch with us. Please email me if you can help; thanks.

Madeline Update/Wentworth Park

2011-03-26T10:54:00.000-03:00

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We have no idea where Madeline Bishop is right now (see the video for more details) so, once again, if anyone out there knows Madeline or her family please let her know we're looking for her; she'll certainly recognize our names and I'm sure she'll want to get in touch with us. Please email me if you can help; thanks.

Spring Beard Trim

2011-03-19T10:28:00.000-03:00

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Also, although we have no news on Madeline herself, while this episode was in post-production MLA Gordie Gosse provided us with the following information on a new program for seniors that might be of benefit to her:

On March 15, the province announced $1.4 million for a Supportive Care Program that will give eligible seniors with cognitive impairment $500.00 a month for home support services.

Seniors could also be eligible to be reimbursed for up to $495.00 per year for snow removal.

Health and Wellness Minister Maureen MacDonald says the program will give low-income seniors and their caregivers greater control to organize homecare.

Seniors need to meet a number of eligibility requirements.

The program begins April 1 and will help 230 seniors annually.

As Madeline has gotten an eviction notice it remains to be seen whether this particular program will benefit her. I suppose it depends on why she was evicted (which we still don't know at this point). I suspect they simply felt she wasn't able to support herself on her own; if I'm right then this program is exactly the kind of thing we need.

The problem is we still haven't been able to reach her. Her phone is still connected; there's simply no answer. Marie tells me this is not unprecedented, though. She tells me she once disappeared for over two months only to return; she'd been in the hospital and, like this time, no one but family was being let in on what was going on.

That having been said, once again if anyone out there knows Madeline Bishop or her family and can give us a heads up on what's going on please please email me. Thanks.

Bicycle Touring

2011-03-12T19:07:00.001-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

There's no news on Madeline; we still can't reach her. We believe she's alive as there's been no obituary but it's unlikely she's still in the hospital right now. We'd really like to know where she is and how she's doing; if you know Madeline Bishop and know anything about her whereabouts, please email me.

Madeline Update/Time Machine Candy Works

2011-03-05T03:56:00.002-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Also, if you're viewing this video embedded in my blog and think you can help, or know someone who can, please email me.

Madeline - Part II

2011-02-26T00:00:00.001-04:00

Madeline

2011-02-19T00:04:00.001-04:00

Show Me the Money

2011-02-12T18:54:00.000-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Off-Season Cycling Presentations

2011-02-05T20:07:00.000-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Seniors Complexes

2011-01-29T18:57:00.001-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Velo Cape Breton Annual Potluck

2011-01-22T00:50:00.001-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Talkin' Trash

2011-01-15T12:03:00.001-04:00

I apologize for the late release of this episode; YouTube uploading was having issues.

Thank you for your patience.

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Life with Marie

2011-01-08T18:54:00.001-04:00

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in notes:

This is video post; to watch, click here.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T14:56:00.008-04:00

Finally fixed the audio problem! At least now I know how to keep it from happening again for next week's episode...

Thanks for your patience.

Note to Facebook users reading my blog in Notes:

This is a video post; please click here to watch the video.

When a Child is Born

2010-12-21T22:34:00.004-04:00

While you're all waiting for The Pedaling Prince's Podium to premiere, here's a little "Christmas Treat" for you:

For those of you who don't know I sing, check it out! For those of you who do, check out the video; that's GarageBand the application I use for all my recording and mixing. :)

This particular song will be the first track of a CD I'm producing as a Christmas gift for most people on my list (money is extremely tight this year so at least this way I can give people something personal and meaningful without breaking the proverbial bank :)).

The Pedaling Prince's Podium...

2010-12-18T16:45:00.002-04:00

If you're viewing this in Facebook Notes, click here to watch the video.

Mountain Fries

2010-07-15T19:56:00.000-03:00

Well, now that Blogspot is allowing much more flexibility in blog format I think it's time to give The Pedaling Prince a long overdue face-lift; now this is more the way I want it to look. :)

Anyway, today I'm here to talk to you about a new "chip wagon" that opened only a few days ago; it's called "Mountain Fries" and it's located in Downtown Sydney on Bentick Street across from the Bargain Shop next to Club 55:

View Larger Map

I usually use Bentick street on my way home from work (usually after I leave Subway) and recently as I passed I smelled the delicious smell of french fries. I followed it and found Mountain Fries.

Well, that particular day I had already eaten and was too full to try anything. I had intended to try something there this past Tuesday on my way home from work but unfortunately I got sick and was out of work for the past two days. However today, on my way home, I again smelled the intoxicating smell of cooking french fries and remembered, Oh yeah, Mountain Fries; I gotta try them out. Having already eaten a light dinner, I just had some of their french fries.

I kid you not: these were the best french fries I've ever had. Anywhere. Bar none. They were just crispy enough to have good texture yet tender enough to be just this side of melt in your mouth. They were almost (but not quite) sweet to the taste and were delightfully (and surprisingly for greasy food) satisfying to the stomach. The most impressive thing, though, was that, unlike most chip wagon fries, there was not a single burnt fry. Not one.

The most unusual feature of Mountain Fries, however, is something that I, as a person who very rarely carries physical cash, really appreciate; unlike every other chip wagon I've ever visited, they actually accept Interac direct payment, Master Card and Visa. Actually (and I'm going to have to ask them about this, out of curiosity) they also take Canadian Tire money in multiples of 25 cents. Now that is a wide variety of payment options!

Their menu is also unusually impressive for a chip wagon, even including an impressive array of options for vegetarians (all prices include tax):

Cold Sandwiches

Non-Toasted BLT $2.50/$3.50 (Half/Whole)
Turkey Salad $2.50/$3.50
Egg Salad $2.50/$3.50
Ham & Cheese $2.50/$3.50
Roast Beef $2.50/$3.50
Turkey $2.50/$3.50
Turkey Bacon $3.50/$4.50
Non-Toasted Club $3.50/$5.00
Tofurkey $3.50/$5.00

White, Whole Wheat & Multi Grain Breads available

Hot Sandwiches with Fries

Turkey $7.75
Roast Beef $7.75
Hamburg $7.75
Tofurkey $9.25

Fries

Home Cut Fries $2.75/$3.50 (Small/Large)
Poutine $4.50/$5.50
Works (Chili, Cheese, Sour Cream, Bacon, Green Onions) $4.50/$5.50
Veggie Works (Cheese, Sour Cream, Tomato & Green Onions) $4.50/$5.50

Hot Dogs & Hamburgers

Hot Dog $2.50
Veggie Dog $3.50
Hamburger $3.50
Cheeseburger $4.00
Veggie Burger $4.00
Veggie Cheeseburger $4.50
Sausage on a Bun $3.50

Soup & Chili

Vegetable
Soup of the Day
Chili

All soups $2.75 for small, $3.75 for large.

Besides all that they also offer:

Nachos $5.50
Veggie Nachos $5.50
Potato Skins $5.50
Corn on the Cob $2.25
Baked Potato
- With Cheese $2.50
- Sour Cream & Chives $2.50
- Bacon/Cheese $3.25
- Chili/Cheese $3.25
Extra Gravy-Brown, Turkey $1.00
Extra Cheese $1.00
Extra Bacon $1.00
Extra Chili $1.00

Beverages

Coffee/Tea $1.50
Pop $1.50
Water $1.50
Red Rain - 250 ml $2.75
red Rain - 1 lt $3.75
Floats $3.75
Flavored Drink Free

Now here's a menu section you don't ordinarily see on a chip wagon (at least around here):

Dessert

Jello $1.50
Jello Pudding $1.75
Jumbo Freezie $1.50
Popcorn $3.00
Cotton Candy $3.00
Ice Cream Cone $2.00/$3.25 (small/large)
Sundaes, $3.50/4.50; available flavors:
1. Butterscotch
2. Chocolate
3. Strawberry
4. Blueberry
5. Cherry

Both sundaes and ice creams are nut and gluten free.

Finally, Mountain Fries even has its own "house specialty" dessert:

Mountain Tracks $5.00

Deep Fried Dough
Whipped Cream
Chocolate Syrup
Maraschino Cherry

It's available in all the same flavors as the sundaes are. It doesn't sound particularly healthy I'll admit but, then again, neither is your average fast food burger, either. Chip wagon food is like any fast food; it's about taste, not nutrition. Even so, the fact that they're trying so hard to cater to the vegetarian market actually does render their overall menu significantly healthier than the average chip wagon's.

If those fries I had today are any indication, and given the absolutely astonishing variety on their menu, this place is destined to become the best chip wagon in town!

I'm going to continue to try out items from their menu every day or two and, each time I try something, I'll report back here about it. So keep an eye on this blog for further reports! :)

Pharisee Back in the Saddle

2010-06-02T02:33:00.000-03:00

On December 7, 2008, Riin Gill's rabbit Rudy died. I wanted to express my condolences but wasn't sure if I should. I asked my friends; they all agreed I should. This was unusual on two levels. One, most times my friends would recommend I avoid contact with her; this time they actually thought it was a good idea. Two, every one of my friends agreed; usually, I would get differing opinions. So I wrote a simple note of condolence; we all thought she'd appreciate it.

Four days later, she castigated me publicly on her blog for my act of kindness. In doing so she snapped me back to my senses because in that moment I realized that, despite appearances to the contrary she so carefully cultivated in the public eye, she has no concept of compassion. The woman I'd fallen in love with was at best an illusion, at worst a lie. I haven't written a posting about Riin since that day and I thought I never would again; there was nothing left to say.

Until now.

The fact is, I still have my own regrets. Riin may have been manipulative, selfish and sometimes cruel but I was not blameless; I made my share of mistakes, too. Most of them I've long since made peace with but one regret I've carried with me all these years was the fact that my influence drove her off the saddle of her bike.

I try to encourage people to cycle, not discourage them. My opinion of her personally notwithstanding, it always bothered me that I was part of the reason she gave cycling up. It bothered me so much that initially I desperately tried to get people she knew to talk her out of giving it up. I realize now I had no business doing that but at the time I was in a desperate state of mind and felt like I had to do something; that was all I could think to do.

However, I eventually realized there was nothing I could do to get her back in the saddle if she didn't want to go. This is the only thing about Riin I still feel pangs of regret about to this day. I always thought this would be a cross I'd have to bear for the rest of my life. It's been almost three years since she last rode; I figured, if she hadn't gotten back to it by now, she never will.

I don't check her blog very often anymore. Once in a very long while I'll think of it and poke my head in just out of curiosity. Well I did that a few days ago and discovered a posting she made almost a month ago. "Punk Pin Cushion on Wheels." Hm. She still has her predilection for whimsical titles, it seems. I was skimming it when the second paragraph, a simple four word sentence, caught my eye: "I rode my bike."

Most of the time I honestly don't care anymore what Riin Gill does (which is why I check her blog so rarely) but this, I must admit, I am genuinely happy to hear. I suppose I'll still feel some regret for the three years she spent off the saddle but at least, in the end, she got back on, and every time anyone puts their butt on a bicycle seat (especially one who actually knows what they're doing in traffic, as Riin always did), well, that's always good news.

As I expected, she took several swipes at me in the entry. To her credit, however, she did not call me a "stalker" for a change; she called me "controlling." Well you know what? That charge I'll plead guilty to. I've always been like that; it's something I learned growing up. Every single member of my family, in one way or another, was controlling and manipulative. Not that they're bad people; it's just that, like me, they grew up with that behavior and thought it was normal.

However, in the interim, I've learned to recognize this flaw in my character and, like my homophobia of my younger days, I've fought hard to change it. In fact, it was my breakups with Riin, and later Lisa, that finally shook me to my senses and made me realize this was a flaw in my character that I had to deal with.

This is something I still struggle with. I still feel the urge to be controlling, particularly when I think someone I love is going to get hurt. However, most of the time now I work out my urge to control in fantasy or in writing rather than actually trying to control the person. Like my homophobia, which is now totally a thing of the past, I hope I'll eventually not even have these controlling urges but, for now, I just have to watch myself and make sure I don't act on them.

Now the question that I can't help but ask myself is this: is the fact that Riin is going back to cycling a sign that maybe she's starting to learn from her mistakes as I have?

I can't know for sure but somehow I doubt it. Her biggest problem, by far, is her lack of compassion; it's been my experience that if you haven't learned compassion by the time you're 30 or so you never do. Also, as her friend M pointed out, Riin can't admit to making mistakes in the first place; it's hard to learn from mistakes if you don't acknowledge them.

This is unfortunate. Riin does have it in her to be a better person. Though she does not feel compassion she understands the concept at an intellectual level which suggests that perhaps she could learn it if she wanted to. The problem is in order to be truly compassionate she'd also have to learn self-sacrifice, the concept of accepting some personal discomfort for the benefit of someone you love; this is something that is beyond her comprehension.

There have been many times in my life when I have accepted significant personal suffering, occasionally even risks to friendships, even my physical safety, to protect the people I love; that is the essence of compassion.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition defines "compassion" as, "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it." Riin does have a "deep awareness" of the suffering of others but she lacks conviction in her "wish to relieve it." She'll help you if it doesn't cause her any difficulty but the moment it causes her even the slightest pain she instantly turns her back on you.

I was in deep trouble in my relationship with Lisa and didn't realize it. Now, it wasn't Riin's responsibility to get me out of that (she couldn't help me if I wasn't prepared to help myself which, at that time, I wasn't), but it was her responsibility, as my lover and my friend, to tell me the truth about the trouble she could see me in. Surely she must've seen it; she even witnessed Lisa assaulting me with her own two eyes on more than one occasion.

She didn't want to tell me the truth because I had always said Lisa and I were a "package deal," that she'd have to accept both of us or neither of us. Now of course that meant that telling me the truth about what Lisa was doing would've risked our relationship, yes, but if she really cared about me she would've taken that risk; when you really love someone, it's their happiness, not your own, that's the priority but, to Riin, everything is about what makes her happy, not others.

In the end we lost the relationship, anyway, because Riin and I would never have worked if Lisa had stayed in the picture. If Riin had had the courage to say that to me it probably would have caused us pain in the short term but, in the long run, I think we would have come out stronger and survived but, to do that, Riin would have had to experience true compassion; she would have had to truly understand how I felt and loved me enough to take that risk.

Actually, now that I think about it, the best thing Riin could've done was to say, "I'm leaving you unless you leave Lisa." She had a right to do that. I was choosing to stay in an abusive situation; that didn't mean she had to. Chances are saying that would've ended our relationship in the short term but, in the long run, when I finally hit bottom and lost Lisa (which was inevitable anyway) Riin could have been there to help me pick up the pieces.

Does that mean she should've sacrificed her happiness entirely? No, of course not; like I said, getting away from Lisa and I was, in the short term, the right choice on her part. It was the fact that, in the end, she abandoned me completely that demonstrates her total lack of understanding of what "compassion" means. If you're unwilling to accept any suffering, or take any risk, to help someone then you don't truly understand what compassion truly is.

Or at least that's the way it seems to me, looking back on it. Could I be wrong? Could Riin be genuinely compassionate somewhere deep in her heart but, because of some emotional baggage I don't know about, is simply averse to taking the risk she might get hurt helping someone?

Maybe.

I always try to keep an open mind. I have learned from my mistakes. I'm not totally dismissing the possibility that Riin may have, too; it's just hard for me to believe. I have to admit, if Riin actually dropped me a line tomorrow and said, "I'd like to find out where we both went wrong," I'd be willing to have a dialogue with her. At the very least it'd give me the opportunity to apologize, perhaps even atone, for some of the mistakes I made.

Of course, in order to do that, Riin would have to have enough compassion to recognize that I might, in fact, have learned from my mistakes in the past three years... so I don't foresee Riin seeking me out any time soon...

Yeah... that's probably for the best...

Well. It seems she can still stir a little emotion in me when she talks about me, even after all this time; I went way off on an unintended tangent here. I guess I really do love her. Well, the illusion of what I thought she was, anyway.

Either way, my thoughts and feelings about her notwithstanding, I am genuinely happy to see the only cyclist I ever knocked out of the saddle back in the saddle again.

I genuinely wish her luck.

Lonnie's Vlog!

2010-05-16T23:49:00.000-03:00

A friend of mine, Lonnie L. Jones, apparently inspired by other vloggers (including myself I'd imagine ;)), has started a video blog of his own! Here's his first posting:

It started with Jon Paula who inspired me to start a video blog and now it's inspiring my friends to start them; have I started a trend here...? ;)

Marie

2010-05-08T15:33:00.000-03:00

RIP Robert Graves

2010-04-30T01:11:00.000-03:00

This is Heavy, Doc

2010-04-25T12:27:00.000-03:00

Vlog

2010-04-23T05:42:00.000-03:00

Inspired by Ideo Productions president Jonathan Paula and his new personal video blog The World According to Jon (check it out; he's an interesting guy! :)), I decided it was high time for me to bring my tired old blog into the 21st Century and start a video blog, or vlog as its known. :)

I'm not going to abandon traditional blogging; the bigger, more complex ideas and events I want to talk about I'll still do in writing. However, vlogging is so much easier than writing and fun to boot that I'll probably be doing a lot more entries here in the form of embedded YouTube videos. I figure I'll reach a wider audience here insofar as some of my friends say that they don't have time to read my blog; videos are much faster and easier for those with limited time, too.

Here's my first "official" entry in my new vlog; it's called "Sleep Talking:"

And here are the entries I did before "officially" launching my video blog:

"25 Facts"

"Antique Appliances"

"iPad"

See you out on YouTube! :)

Zoom Zoom

2010-04-01T00:00:00.000-03:00

OK. This rain sucks. I'm sick of rain.

That's it. I give. Enough with the bike; time to get a car.

Yes, it might surprise people to know I'm not a total car neophyte. I grew up with an uncle who absolutely loves his cars so, listening to him and observing him over the years, I think I've learned enough about them to pick out a good one. :)

I need something reliable and fuel efficient. Ideally I'd like to have an electric car but something tells me trying to get something like that around here might be a wee bit problematic, at least if I don't want to have to wait. I think I might get a Honda. My uncle would probably say Toyota but a friend of mine has a Honda and I gotta say I love the idea of that digital speedometer in the dash, directly under your view of the road; easy to keep an eye on in my peripheral vision. :)

I wonder how early the Honda dealership on the way to work opens? Maybe I could swing by there on my way in to work; that way I won't have to walk all the way. Wish I could ride but I was involved in a near collision with a duck crossing the road Wentworth Park on my way home tonight. I managed to miss the duck but drove the bike into the curb, then pretty much flew face and eyes right down into the frickin' pond. Front wheel's pretty bent up.

Don't worry, I didn't get hurt too badly; just some road rash on my shins and some very wet, gooey clothing (what the hell's in that water, anyway?! :P).

Hm. Y'know, if I'm gonna get a car, I might as well go whole hog and get off this vegetarian kick. Now that I have a car, I'll be able to go to Mickey D's drive through and make a pig of myself if I want to; as Crocodile Dundee points out, no one'll ever see me making a pig of myself if I'm safely in my car. :)

I wonder what color I should get? I used to like the idea of red but I don't know; it's OK for a bike but on a car, meh. Not my taste. Black? Too hard to keep clean. I'm thinking purple. That or hot pink. Something that'll grab attention so cyclists'll see me coming; given the way most cyclists drive their bikes around here that'd probably be my only hope of not having some idiot barreling off the sidewalk and right over my brand new hood...

Of course, the parking lot at my building here is pretty full; not sure where I'm gonna keep this thing. Hm. Maybe I should move. With a car, I could conceivably move to Antigonish and still be able to make the commute back and forth to work. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. That way, I'm close enough to my friend Rob to go visit him more often while still close enough to Sydney to stay in touch with my friends here! Sweet!

Yup. That settles it. Once I get my new car, I think a hot pink Honda with blue trim, I'm going to start apartment hunting in Antigonish. Find a nice basement apartment, preferably without any windows; that should make it easier to sleep through the day on the weekends if I feel like it.

Oh, wait a minute... I had an even better idea! Get a Winnebago! Perfect! Then, wherever I go, I could take my whole home with me! No more rent to pay! Woo hoo! A big, hot pink Winnebago with blue trim and purple awnings! Or better yet maybe I could convert an old school bus into livable space! I've heard others have done it. Well, it'll be a b*tch to park but, then again, more room than a Winnebago...

Hm... if I'm going to go that far, I might as well go whole hog; I wonder if Acadian Lines has any old motor coaches they're not using anymore I can get for a good deal? Now that would be like having a small house with me wherever I go, and once you get the hot pink paint job on that no way anyone's gonna miss me coming! Hell, that might even be big enough for entertaining! Put in a bar! Better go check with Mike Holmes on the building codes that apply to motor coaches...

Oh yeah! And Acadian lines is open at 6:00 AM! Plenty of time to get down there and buy my dream vehicle and still have plenty of time to get to work!

Well that settles it. Bye bye bike, hello motor home converted motor coach, hot pink with blue trim, purple awnings and green tinted windows with a full bath, bar, dance floor, two bedrooms, BluRay DVD home theater. This is gonna be awesome!

All I need to do now is get the funds. So, if you're reading this, please help me out and give generously; just send your PayPal payments to aprilfools@ifellforit.org. I think $500,000.00 should be enough; I think I have enough time to raise that much before hell freezes over on April 1, 2012...

Enough is Enough

2010-03-06T05:12:00.003-04:00

I just published the following status to my Facebook profile:

I promised myself I'd never drink again but last night after a hard day I thought, "Ah hell, three beers can't hurt." Yes, they can when they're Faxe 10%. So I'm stating here for the record that I'm following a good friend's example: I am QUITTING drinking as of NOW. I hope stating this publicly will force me to stick by my word lest I be made out a liar. The religious among you, please pray for strength for me.

I really feel ashamed of myself. I promised someone important to me that I'd quit drinking and I didn't. Not that they asked me to quit or anything; that was a promise I'd made voluntarily. But still, I did promise. Last night, they were trying to talk to me and I couldn't even focus on what they were saying. My God I had no idea only three beers could hit me that hard, even at 10%; I'd never had them with so little in my stomach before. :(

I've tried to quit twice before. The first time I succeeded for several months so I know I can do it but, honestly, come the weekend, I just don't want to. The only thing I like about my life right now are the wonderful people in it. Other than that, I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I do the same thing over and over again every day Monday to Friday, I hate this time of year weather wise and I've got a mountain of credit card debt. It's hard to even get out of bed in the morning.

Every Friday, the hardest day of the week, I always look forward to that beer, thinking it'll help me unwind. It does at first but then afterward, when it wears off, it leaves me more depressed than when I started. Worse, if anyone happens to call me while I'm still under the influence, I end up making a fool of myself. My friend last night was getting pretty frustrated with me. I can't remember what we said but I do remember having trouble following the conversation. :(

Enough is enough. This has got to stop.

Now before anyone suggests Alcoholics Anonymous, that was my second attempt to quit. Honestly, I resented the idea that I'd have to spend hours at AA meetings for the rest of my life just to fight this. Whenever I resent something sooner or later I rebel against it. So that won't work no matter how good the program is.

So let me try this:

I broke a promise to my best friend last night because, honestly, I thought I could get away with it. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone else; it was just a promise I made privately to them so I thought, No one will know. I figured they'd never ask so I wouldn't have to lie about it or anything but, when those beers hit me so hard, I couldn't hide it and my friend knew. It felt awful to let someone important to me down like that.

I figure, if I state this out in public for everyone to see, I won't be able to do that anymore; I won't be able to think, No one will know, because now everyone knows. If anyone even so much as spots me going into the liquor store, automatically right there I let everyone down without having taken a single drink. If I'm in a bar chances are I'm there for an event where friends will be and, again, people who know me will see if I buy a drink. I can't get away with it anymore.

No matter how much you love someone, sooner or later you let them down. I let someone down last night I never wanted to let down; I cannot let that happen again.

The religious among you, please pray for my strength in the traditions of your personal faith. The non-religious, just be there for me. Don't shame me; I feel guilty enough. Just, if you see me doing something I shouldn't be, just walk up to me and remind me of my promise. I know from experience, when I know I'm letting someone down, it gives me the strength to stop. So just letting me know you're watching me is all I need.

I never pray for myself but I'm going to post this one here; if you're Catholic, or if you simply like this prayer, feel free to say it for me:

Glorious St. Rita, Patroness of those in need, your intercession with our Lord is most powerful. Through the favors obtained by your prayers, you have been called advocate of hopeless and even impossible cases. St. Rita, humble and pure, patient and compassionate lover of Christ Crucified, we have confidence that everyone who has recourse to you will find comfort and relief.

Listen to our petitions and show your power with God on our behalf. Obtain our petitions for us if they are for the greater honor of God and for our good. We promise, if our petitions are granted, to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift. Relying on your power with the Merciful Savior, we ask of you:

Protect and guide John Archibald Ardelli. Please grant him the strength to face life without the crutch of alcohol. Grant those he loves the wisdom to know he loves them, that his broken promises not to drink are due to his own weakness not because he does not love them.

By the singular merits of your childhood, obtain our request for us:
By your perfect union with the Divine Will.
By your acceptance of troubles in your married life.
By the anguish felt at the murder of your husband.
By the surrender of your children rather than have them offend God.
By your miraculous entrance into the convent.
By your daily penance and fasting.
By your courage and joy in bearing the mark of the Crucified Savior.
By the Divine Love which consumed your life.
By your devotion in receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
By the happiness you felt in leaving this life for union with Christ.
By the example you have given to people of every state of life.
Pray for us, St. Rita, that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ.

Heavenly Father, in Your infinite love and mercy, You heed the prayer of Your beloved servant Rita. You graciously grant favors through her intercession which are considered impossible to human skill and effort. Relying on her compassionate love, we ask You to assist us in our trials and difficulties. Let unbelievers know that You are helper of the humble, the defender of the weak and the strength of those who trust in You.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Model Antique GE Fan

2010-02-13T01:42:00.003-04:00

When I was a little boy, I used to love watching electric fans spin (most children, I find, love anything that turns, which is probably why mobiles are such an effective attention grabber for infants). Lately, while poking around on YouTube, I've begun to revisit my old fascination with electric fans only now my fascination is more with antique fans as I view most modern appliances as unreliable plastic garbage.

I talked about my recent fascination with antique appliances recently on YouTube (and took the opportunity to show off my antique blender in the process):

Tonight, I was exploring the YouTube account of an antique appliance enthusiast known as 1944johndeerel and I came across this gem:

I have got to have one of these things; that'd look so sweet on my desktop at work! The only problem is I have no idea how to find this thing; no matter what I put in a Google search all I get back are actual antiques that run on batteries not this cool little replica. Not that I'm not interested in getting a genuine antique fan; I am (I'll probably be getting an antique stand fan for my living room for this summer) but this tiny replica would be perfect for my office.

Does anyone out there have any idea where I might find this thing? If so, please let me know!

Is It a Good Idea to Flag This?

2010-01-31T10:45:00.000-04:00

I've been cyberstalked a few times in my life.

The first time was back in 1998 when a Dark Crystal fan from my Crystal Corner group harassed me both on my old personal home page and the group. It got bad enough that Yahoo! Groups (then ONElist) deleted both of our accounts because of our complaints. He claimed I said many things I didn't; this is the reason I now archive every E-mail I send (I currently have sent mail archives going back to March of 2000).

Another time has been extensively chronicled on this blog. In brief, a troll posted harassing comments on my blog and threatening comments on Riin's. Eventually, when I captured the IP address, the police were able to trace the stalking back to a former co-worker who apparently took exception to my ideas on love and romance, particularly polyamory, and decided to "teach me a lesson." She backed off once she realized I was tracing her but not before I got her name. :)

Cyberstalking can be scary but mostly it's just frustrating. The Internet makes it all too easy to be anonymous. Yes, it's possible to trace a stalker's IP but, unless your stalker is stupid enough to send you an E-mail or something, it's hard to get an IP particularly if your stalker only harasses you by comments on your blog or YouTube account (though, if you're reasonably tech-savvy, you can still capture a stalker's IP with web traffic tracking services like Statcounter).

Jonathan Paula, producer of my favorite YouTube series Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This? and the show's stars Jory Caron and Riley McIlwain, are currently being cyberstalked. Someone on YouTube has taken a dislike to the microwave show and has been "flagging" the videos for "inappropriate content" for minors. There is nothing inappropriate on the show whatsoever; the flags are solely for the purpose of harassing the show's makers.

Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This? recently celebrated the completion of the show's 200th experiment:

In the annotations on the above episode, you'll see Mr. Paula announce that the show has been flagged so much lately that it's in danger of being flagged off YouTube entirely; that's how bad their situation has gotten.

Mr. Paula is a YouTube partner which means he actually makes revenue from the viewing of his videos; false flagging robs him and his coworkers of revenue. This revenue isn't just "mad money" for him and his friends; this is their full time job as he explains in the Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This? behind the scenes special here:

What this amounts to is this stalker is, for all intents and purposes, "docking their pay." Mr. Paula has been attempting to deal with the situation but apparently YouTube's response has been less than supportive and it seems to me the more he complains about the flagging the worse it gets.

This dovetails with my own experiences. Stalkers do what they do to try to provoke a response from their victims; the more you respond the more they do to provoke you. I think, as a short term solution, Mr. Paula should stop mentioning the flags. Doing so is a bit like trying to put out a fire with gasoline (and he and his friends know a little something about putting out fires on the show ;)); it only makes the situation worse.

So what should he do? Well, I've never had a "partner" account with YouTube but given how customizable the channel seems to be I imagine you can add HTML code to video descriptions. Mr. Paula might want to consider installing Statcounter into the description of each new video of the show from now on; that way he can capture the IP address of the person responsible for the flags.

Once he has the IP address, he can file a complaint with the police. A subpoena can be issued to the Internet Service Provider who can then, using the IP, date and time the stalker connected, identify the perpetrator. Once they know who it is, Mr. Paula can press charges under Chapter 265, Section 43 of the General Laws of Massachusetts for stalking.

I'm going to send a link to this blog entry to Mr. Paula so he can see this suggestion. Mr. Paula, if you're reading this, if there's anything I can do to help just let me know.

In the meantime, I urge all of you reading this blog to go check out Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This? It's thoroughly entertaining, particularly the later seasons, and it could use some supporters right now. Subscribe, rate and enjoy!

I think I'll add these guys to my regular prayers to St. Rita as well; my religious readers, whatever your faith, I urge you to do the same.

Dilemma

2010-01-10T07:45:00.002-04:00

I have a dilemma.

The Cape Breton Stage Company is looking for submissions for their 2010 season. Since seeing their truly phenomenal Halloween show Tales from the Bottom of the Well last year I've wanted to submit a play for them to perform. I had intended to write one for this year's season but, two days after Halloween, a major event happened in my life that's kept me pretty busy; I haven't had time to write. Now the deadline for submissions, January 15, is less than a week away.

I thought I'd have to wait until next year. Then I realized I actually do have one work here, a short film screenplay, that would adapt very well to the stage with only minor changes; I could easily have an adaption written for the deadline. Perfect solution, except for one thing:

The screenplay isn't mine; it was written by Riin Gill.

You might wonder why, given my current feelings about Riin, I would want to work on something written by her of all people. Well, despite my current contempt for her and the difficult feelings the story itself stir in me, the truth is it is excellent work; it deserves to be performed. Yes, it is that good in my opinion.

The fact is, Riin never even copyrighted this work and precious few people have even read it; I could just as easily adapt it and take full credit for writing it and no one would be the wiser. But I can't do that. As a writer myself, I respect the work of others. I cannot take credit for someone else's work; if I'm going to work with someone else's work I need to have their permission just as I'd expect someone working with my work to seek mine.

Therein lies my problem: how do you get permission to work with the work of a writer who refuses to speak to you?

Honestly, I doubt Riin would even care; she even said herself, "You should still do the movie . . . I'll [even] donate two skeins of yarn if you give Happy Fuzzy Yarn a credit . . ." (the main character is a knitter). Mind you, I doubt she'd still be willing to donate any yarn to the project but, as to the play itself, I don't think she cares what I do with it. Still, I don't know that; I'd be a lot more comfortable if I had her explicit blessing to do this.

Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do? I need to figure this out before the January 15 deadline.

Cheating vs Polyamory

2009-12-29T22:52:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that my previous two romantic relationships were not consecutive; they were concurrent. This is a concept called "polyamory" where one is involved with more than one person at a time, each party with the full knowledge of the others. Not everyone understood that; more often than not, I'd get chastised for "cheating." In fact, I got that comment relatively recently from someone with whom the topic came up.

I'd like to explain my position on this here; that way, next time I get into this discussion, I'll just point people to this entry and say, "Here; fill your boots." ;)

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition defines "cheat" as, "To act dishonestly; practice fraud." Now it's obvious how this applies, for example, to the man sneaking around on his wife. By keeping his second relationship a secret from his wife (and, in most cases, keeping the wife from the other woman as well) he is being dishonest; he is a fraud passing himself off as a single man to the second woman and as a faithful man to his wife.

It is in this definition of "cheat" where the difference between a cheater and a person who practices polyamory becomes clear. Whereas the man above is misrepresenting himself to the women, I in my situation was not misrepresenting myself in any way. Both women I was involved with was aware of my relationship with the other and both gave full consent to my having relationships with both (actually, they even had a relationship with each other briefly ;)).

To me, the bedrock on which all good relationships lie, whether they be friend, family or romantic, is honesty. One thing I would never do to anyone is "cheat." I do believe one can be in love with, and involved with, more than one partner but only if all partners agree.

If, some day, I ever find myself in a new relationship with someone I truly love and my new partner wants me to remain faithful only to her I'll do that without question; I did it with Lisa for years, after all (we didn't start out polyamorous; Lisa introduced me to the concept much later). Given that, I must admit, when people ask me if I'm still polyamorous that's a hard question to answer; I still believe in the concept but one can't really be polyamorous when they're single... :P

I will say this. I try not to judge people but, honestly, I don't trust cheaters; I can't. The way I see it, if one can keep a secret that huge from someone, something they obviously have a right to know, I'll always question how honest that person is being with me, and not only in a romantic relationship; I would have trouble trusting a friend who cheats, too, because dishonesty is dishonesty regardless of its form.

One thing anyone in my life, family, friend or lover, can count on: I'll never keep anything from you that you have a right to know.

Anyway, as Forrest Gump might say, "That's all I have to say about that." :)

Glorify God for His Gift

2009-12-07T18:48:00.000-04:00

James Delorey has been found! :) He's not in ideal condition; last I heard his pulse was weak and he was being airlifted to Halifax for medical treatment but he is alive! Honestly, after all the time he was out there unprotected, I wasn't expecting that; it's a miracle he is alive.

The Prayer of Petition to St. Rita says that if she answers a prayer you must "make known [her] favor and . . . glorify God for His gift." Well, St. Rita has answered this prayer so I'd like to say in public and for the record: thank you.

Now, we need your help one more time:

Glorious St. Rita, Patroness of those in need, your intercession with our Lord is most powerful. Through the favors obtained by your prayers, you have been called advocate of hopeless and even impossible cases. St. Rita, humble and pure, patient and compassionate lover of Christ Crucified, we have confidence that everyone who has recourse to you will find comfort and relief.

Listen to our petitions and show your power with God on our behalf. Obtain our petitions for us if they are for the greater honor of God and for our good. We promise, if our petitions are granted, to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift. Relying on your power with the Merciful Savior, we ask of you:

Please help heal seven-year-old James Delorey of South Bar, Nova Scotia. Although he has been found, he is not well; he needs your love and support if he is going to recover. Please grant James the strength to survive until his wounds heal and guide the doctors who treat him to evaluate his injuries properly and provide the proper treatment.

By the singular merits of your childhood, obtain our request for us:

By your perfect union with the Divine Will.
By your acceptance of troubles in your married life.
By the anguish felt at the murder of your husband.
By the surrender of your children rather than have them offend God.
By your miraculous entrance into the convent.
By your daily penance and fasting.
By your courage and joy in bearing the mark of the Crucified Savior.
By the Devine Love which consumed your life.
By your devotion in receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
By the happiness you felt in leaving this life for union with Christ.
By the example you have given to people of every state of life.

Pray for us, St. Rita, that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ.

Heavenly Father, in Your infinite love and mercy, You heed the prayer of Your beloved servant Rita. You graciously grant favors through her intercession which are considered impossible to human skill and effort. Relying on her compassionate love, we ask You to assist us in our trials and difficulties. Let unbelievers know that You are helper of the humble, the defender of the weak and the strength of those who trust in You.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Prayer for a Lost Boy

2009-12-07T01:05:00.002-04:00

Glorious St. Rita, Patroness of those in need, your intercession with our Lord is most powerful. Through the favors obtained by your prayers, you have been called advocate of hopeless and even impossible cases. St. Rita, humble and pure, patient and compassionate lover of Christ Crucified, we have confidence that everyone who has recourse to you will find comfort and relief.

Listen to our petitions and show your power with God on our behalf. Obtain our petitions for us if they are for the greater honor of God and for our good. We promise, if our petitions are granted, to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift. Relying on your power with the Merciful Savior, we ask of you:

Protect and guide seven-year-old James Delorey of South Bar, Nova Scotia; he has wandered away from home without protection from the elements. Help him find the rescuers who are searching for him and, until then, help him find a way to protect and shelter himself. Please help return him to his family safe and unharmed.

By the singular merits of your childhood, obtain our request for us:

By your perfect union with the Divine Will.
By your acceptance of troubles in your married life.
By the anguish felt at the murder of your husband.
By the surrender of your children rather than have them offend God.
By your miraculous entrance into the convent.
By your daily penance and fasting.
By your courage and joy in bearing the mark of the Crucified Savior.
By the Devine Love which consumed your life.
By your devotion in receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
By the happiness you felt in leaving this life for union with Christ.
By the example you have given to people of every state of life.

Bohemian Rhapsody, Muppet Style!

2009-11-28T05:28:00.000-04:00

OK, it's official: The Muppets are rockin' YouTube! This one's easily an even match for Beaker's "Ode to Joy" I posted a couple weeks ago:

Gotta love that ending. Poor Kermit. He's the only "normal" guy in the ocean of weirdness that makes up the Muppet cast. I'm surprised he didn't go totally postal by now after decades of dealing with it; I would have. :P

Oh yes. While I'm here, there's a new version of Beaker's "Ode to Joy" available in YouTube HD (as is Bohemian Rhapsody above); here it is for those of you with computers powerful enough to run HD video streams:

What's so cool about both of these videos is I not only laugh my head off but also the music just has me rocking back and forth with a huge smile on my face. These things are just pure, digitally encoded fun!

It's nice to see The Muppets taking advantage of the YouTube craze to boost their popularity. These videos are going viral; even Jonathan Paula (producer of Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This, my favorite YouTube video series) has the Bohemian Rhapsody one among his favorites on his channel.

Ode to Joy

2009-11-15T01:09:00.002-04:00

I just had to share this; it just puts a huge smile on my face every time I watch it. :)

Love of the Heart Divine

2009-11-11T00:00:00.007-04:00

For our veterans, and the loved ones they left behind when they went off to war.

Love of the Heart ...

Hosted by eSnips

Music and Lyrics by Chris de Burgh
Performed by John A. Ardelli (vocals) and Brian Morton (instrumental track)

Human Arrogance

2009-10-15T00:00:00.000-03:00

"There are other forms of intelligence on Earth . . . Only Human arrogance would assume the message must be meant for man." - Spock, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

I must admit, I don't really know that much about climate change. Oh, I'm familiar with the scientific principle and theory behind it; I've seen An Inconvenient Truth. I would hardly call myself an "expert" on the subject, though; I really don't have much to say about it. So when I heard that was going to be the topic of "Blog Action Day" this year, my first thought was, What the heck am I going to say about that?

Of course, I've had plenty of time to think about it since the topic was announced. When I looked back at my previous blog postings including last year's Blog Action Day post "Cause and Effect: The Dynamics of Poverty," I realized that my strength was talking about psychology and the way people think. So that's the way I'd like to approach the subject: from the Human perspective.

I've heard many differing opinions and theories on climate change. Some believe it's inevitable; others believe it's preventable. Some believe Humans are the cause of it; others believe it's just a natural temperature cycle of the planet. However, whether you believe Humans are the cause of it, whether you believe it can be prevented or even if it should, there is one overriding thought I have when I think of the subject:

If the cause is us, it is Human arrogance that has done the damage.

Christianity has more influence on Western culture than probably any other religion. One of the central tenets of Christianity, particularly in the Old Testament, is that Earth was created exclusively for the use of Man because Man was ostensibly the smartest of God's creations; in fact, this is stated in The Bible's very first chapter:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. - Genesis 1: 27-30

Of course, this passage is one of those "chicken and the egg" situations. Did we come to the belief that we were superior to all creatures on the Earth because The Bible told us to, or was it written into The Bible because we already believed this? In either case, though, it's pretty clear that this passage has influenced the way Humankind has treated this world of ours over the past 6000 years or so, particularly in the Western world and among Christians worldwide.

When I read that passage from Genesis, I can't help but ask myself: what made Humans think they were so much better than everyone and everything else? Just because we can perceive a little bit of the way the Universe works? What makes us think that there aren't other creatures out there with just as sophisticated an understanding of our world? What makes us think there aren't other creatures who understand this world better than we do?

"Well, you've never seen any other creatures create vessels to take them into space or technologies to communicate around the world or techniques to feed millions of people or cure deadly diseases," etc. When you think about it, though, that doesn't really mean anything. Our biggest advantage as a species isn't our intelligence; it's our bodies: opposable thumbs, bipedal locomotion; these things give us huge advantages in tool use which other animals don't have.

Dolphins may be as intelligent or more so than we are; maybe the only reason they haven't developed technologies like ours is because they lack the ability to manipulate tools with the dexterity we can. Maybe elephants would've learned to travel to other stars by now if they had hands to build the machines; their trunks are of relatively limited utility. Maybe crows might've overthrown us by now if they didn't have to manipulate everything with an awkward beak.

Our belief in our intellectual superiority rests only on the most flimsy of foundations: our accomplishments. If you really look at them, most of our accomplishments are due not so much to intelligence but our numerical superiority (6.79 billion of us, at last count) and our bodies' remarkable flexibility in tool use. If our minds were trapped in bodies without those abilities, and if there were less of us, we would likely be no more "advanced" than dolphins.

"But chimpanzee bodies are just as dexterous as ours," one might argue. "How come they aren't at least our equals?" OK, maybe chimps aren't as intelligent as we are; since they have virtually the same physical capabilities, that's hard to dispute. But how can we possibly know how intelligent any other species is if that species can't demonstrate its intelligence through advanced tool use only because of the limitations of its body?

For millennia, Humans have behaved like the lords and masters of this planet, as if everything was ours for the taking regardless what other creatures it may hurt. We dump toxins in the water until we create disgusting legacies like the Sydney Tar Ponds. We're careless with toxic technologies until accidents like Chernobyl contaminate hundreds of square kilometers of land. We use devices to move around that spew thousands of toxins into the air yearly.

Because we've developed this mindset that the Earth is ours to use, we also get the subconscious feeling that the Earth is eternal; no matter what we do to it, the Earth will always provide. It doesn't occur to us, however, that the very physical laws of our Universe make infinity impossible. Even a resource as vast as the Earth has limitations; we can only take so much before we have to start giving back lest we use up the resource.

One of my good friends believes that Humankind simply isn't powerful enough to have had enough impact on the planet to cause climate change. "The planet's been warming and cooling for billions of years," he argues. "No way Humans are so much different from other animals that anything we do could possibly have a global impact on the environment; we're just one species among millions."

Did we cause global warming, or is it just a natural cycle? If you ask me, it doesn't really matter. The simple fact is, putting things into the environment that kills plant and animal life (and plenty of things Humans put into the environment does this on enormous scales) can't possibly be a good idea; to me, that's common sense. Yet, because we as a species believe this planet is here "just for us," we don't care what dies so long as we accomplish what we want.

But other creatures hurt, just like we do. If you accidentally step on a cat's tail, it yells; it feels pain. If you put a lobster in a pot of boiling water, it screams; it feels pain. We've all felt pain. It's something a vast majority of us avoid because, as physical sensations go, it's probably the least pleasant of all. Knowing what it's like, why would we want to inflict that on any creature?

"But they're only animals; they're not smart like us." So? Not every Human is smart, either; believe me, I've encountered my share of stupidity in my life, as we all have. Still, even if I met a Human being who was mentally handicapped with no more intelligence than a chimpanzee, I'd still feel compassion for them if they were in pain or dying. It's not about how smart the person is; it's about having some understanding of how they feel.

So why is it so hard for most of us to extend that metaphor to all creatures? Just because a dog doesn't look like us doesn't mean it doesn't have the same feelings we do. Just because insects look so ugly to our eyes (as I'm sure we do to theirs) doesn't mean they don't feel pain when they're injured. Indeed, how do we know they don't experience grief at the death of a loved one like we do? How do we know they don't experience love?

We don't.

If we did cause climate change, maybe that's poetic justice. Maybe global warming is nature's way of making us feel the suffering we've caused to the "lesser" creatures we share this planet with.

"I don't know about you, but my compassion for someone is not limited to my estimate of their intelligence." - Dr. Jillian Taylor, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Dating

2009-09-09T12:15:00.000-03:00

In my earlier post "Sex Education: Time for a Reform," I mentioned that I intended to go to my local library to find Victor Malarek's book The Johns - Sex for Sale and the Men who Buy It. Well, it took me a while to get it (the book was on reserve for two other readers ahead of me) but, last week, it finally became available. I picked it up last Friday; I finished it today.

Most of it talked about things I agreed with already and might've even written myself. However, there were a few things in there that took me by surprise and altered my perceptions considerably; I'll be tackling some of those ideas in future postings. For now, however, I'd like to start with something I read in an early chapter that got me thinking about something a lot of people, particularly in meatspace, have asked me.

I'm single right now. People often ask me if I intend to pursue another relationship. The answer is not a simple "yes" or "no." I don't believe in "pursuing" relationships the way most people think of it; I don't believe in "dating." I've said that to many people, male and female alike, but when pressed to explain I was never able to put into words what I meant. However, strangely enough, something I read in The Johns helped me, finally, to come up with a clear explanation.

In Chapter Four, "Single By Choice," Malarek talks about men who go to prostitutes because they've given up on the dating scene in frustration because they haven't been able to "get any" through conventional dating. I found that attitude a bit disquieting. These men apparently have the attitude that, if they show a woman a good time, that obligates her to performing "favors" for the man at the end of the night.

Charles, an office manager from Dallas, Texas (quoted from page 52 of Malarek's book) is typical of this attitude (emphasis mine):

I spend and I spend and I spend, and I don't even get a kiss goodnight. I take them to fancy restaurants to wine and dine them, and all they do is whine and whine. They complain and bitch incessantly about stuff that makes me want to yell, "Shut the fuck up! Your boring life sucks. Get over it." But I listen, hoping that maybe after she's finished her rant, we can have sex when I take her home.

I've overheard countless guys make those kinds of comments: "I spent all that money on her and she wouldn't even have sex with me!" Whenever I hear things like that, it makes my skin crawl and, from what I've heard of the experiences of my dating female friends, that seems to be the prevalent attitude of men who "date;" they feel treating a woman to a night out gives them the right to expect sexual favors at the end of the night.

To me, this kind of attitude is just a whitewashed form of prostitution. When you get right down to it, what these men are saying is that if you can't get sex out of a woman then spending time with her is a waste of time; in effect, they're saying, "Sex is all women are good for."

If that is what "dating" is all about then I want no part of it. The very idea of specifically trying to woo someone I'm only just getting to know to climb into bed with me is repugnant to me. As I said in "Sport Nookie," I don't want someone I barely know touching me in the most intimate way two people can touch. When I've tried to explain that, particularly to men, I'm often met with puzzled stares. Occasionally, I'm accused of being homosexual. They just don't get it.

To me, going out with someone has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm not attracted to the woman I'm asking out; what I mean is that the night out itself has nothing to do with that. In that sense, going out with a new female friend and a new male friend are virtually the same experience for me. I buy a beer and a meal for both for the same reason: if I ask someone out, I want to have a good time and get to know them.

The sad thing is, though, that even women tend to assume I have a hidden sexual agenda if I try to treat them to a night out. That's the main reason why I usually don't ask women out. It's not because I can't or I don't want to; I just don't want a woman to assume I'm asking her out only in the hope of getting into her pants. Unfortunately, because that's what most men in the dating scene seem to be looking for, that's now what most women seem to expect on a date.

In my posting "Revelation," I spoke of the irrevocable connection between friendship and love. In brief, my theoretical "formula" of romantic love is, "Attraction+Friendship+Trust=Romantic Love." In other words, I believe love, and therefore healthy sexual relationships, grow out of friendships, not out of attraction. It's when you feel attraction, friendship and implicit trust, all for the same person, that love ignites.

So I do not "date." Instead, I work on making friends, male and female alike. Before the friendships get close, gender doesn't matter; I simply enjoy the company and get to know them. Only once friendships get close do I make a distinction between the male and female friend. Essentially, I look at any close female friendship to someone I'm attracted to as a potential romantic possibility in the future.

Now that doesn't mean I "pursue" my close female friends trying to start a sexual relationship, either; that, too, would be a form of "dating." What I mean is that I'm aware that any woman I'm attracted to who is also a close friend could be a potential romantic relationship if, at some point in the future, she ever becomes attracted to me.

The point of "dating" is to try to entice someone sexually. That is the part I don't believe in. My way of thinking is that I don't have the right to push myself on someone who is not attracted to me; either she is or she isn't. That is what I mean by close female friends being potential romantic relationships. If a close female friend ever becomes attracted to me, then is the time to pursue a romantic relationship because only then is it truly "real."

This applies even if I fall in love with someone. The way I see it, if you truly love someone, you respect them and their boundaries. No matter how much I might want to express my love to a woman intimately, if she's not attracted to me, I'm not going to make any effort to try to push her into a relationship she doesn't want. Instead, I just show her my love in other ways, through friendship and support in hard times, with a fierce loyalty.

Many men just don't get that. In fact, most of my male friends who know I have feelings for someone will give me all kinds of unsolicited advice on how to seduce them. They just can't seem to grasp the idea of being "just friends" with a woman they "love." I think that, too, is a symptom of the stereotypical male point of view that sex is the "ultimate goal" of forming a relationship with a woman; they can't imagine wanting to stay around if they don't get it.

Seduction, to me, is a form of manipulation; you manipulate the woman into feeling something for you she might not otherwise have been inclined to feel. This makes it artificial. You sweep her off her proverbial feet and she's caught up in the whirlwind of romance, sex and endorphins and, for a time, thinks you're the best thing that ever happened to her but, when the seduction wears off, the illusion collapses and she wonders what possessed her to be with you.

I've seen many women go through this cycle. A man arrives, often when they're at their most vulnerable, and they fall for his charms. More often than not, however, these guys turn out to be bad news because most guys who deliberately seek out to seduce a woman, particularly in the first date or two, are always bad news. I even saw one man who seduced an otherwise decent woman so thoroughly that she got into bed with him before he even learned her last name.

That's the danger of actually trying to initiate a sexual relationship. Even seducing a woman you love is just as dangerous. How? Well, to her, the "love" created from seduction is still an illusion. When the illusion wears off for her, she will most likely realize she made a mistake. In the end, both parties get hurt. In some cases, even the original friendship can be lost because of all the awkwardness afterward.

So why do men try to seduce women? In effect, for the same reason the men above who gave up on dating pay for prostitutes; they have this irrational belief that they "need" sex. A man may trick himself into believing he's "in love" with a woman he's strongly attracted to and delude himself into thinking his pursuit of her is "romantic" but all he's really doing is creating an illusion, a fantasy into which both he and the woman he pursues are ultimately drawn.

I've said it before and I'll continue to say it: sex, to me, is just another way to say, "I love you." Granted, it's the most beautiful, and intimate, way, but it's not one that's appropriate for all relationships; whether it's appropriate depends not only on how I feel but how the other person feels as well. If I'm in love with someone, of course I'll hope she might feel the same way some day but, if she doesn't, I'm happy as long as she's in my life and I'll be there for her regardless.

But I'll never try to make that happen; it either happens naturally, or it's not meant to happen at all.

That is why I don't date.

That's also why I can't say whether I'll pursue another relationship or not because that depends, not on whether I want one, but whether I ever again find myself in love with a woman who also loves me back.

So my answer is this: Yes, I'd like to be in another relationship some day but, if it never happens, so long as there are people in my life that I love and who love me back, regardless of how that love is expressed, I'll be content.

An Apology

2009-09-06T11:05:00.000-03:00

Ideals, by definition, are one's vision of "perfect" behavior. Of course none of us are perfect; we all fall short of our ideals. That doesn't negate their purpose, however. Ideals offer us a benchmark, a goal to constantly reach for. In reaching for our ideals, one can usually manage to live up to them a majority of the time. When you do fall short of your ideals, and you realize it, you apologize, make amends and hopefully learn from that mistake.

This is the very concept upon which the Catholic Sacrament of Penance (also known colloquialy as "confession") is built. The Catholic Church recognizes that people aren't perfect, that we are all "sinners" and that we will make mistakes. The Sacrament of Penance offers one an opportunity to admit one's mistakes and confess to them. In effect, God forgives us when we have the courage to recognize our imperfections, admit to them and try to learn from them.

I'm not Catholic but I believe in God and go to Sacred Heart every Saturday to pray for the people I love. I chose a Catholic church simply because the persons I love most are Catholic. I have never participated in the Sacrament of Penance; I prefer to confess my mistakes in the open, ideally directly to the people they affect. Even my most personal mistakes I prefer to confess to people I love and trust, not a priest, therapist or counselor who does not know me.

Recently, I was guilty of a hypocrisy. I'm here to admit it and apologize.

During recent turmoil in my life, discussed at length in the pages of this blog, I frequently lamented the fact that people tended to judge me without even trying to get my side of the story. Most of these people were taking the opinion of a single individual who'd had a recent conflict with me as if that one opinion painted a complete picture of me, my life and who I am.

I know how frustrating it can be when people form opinions of you without ever even having spoken to you. That's why, ideally, I make a point of getting the other person's side of the story before I form an opinion of someone. However, recently there was someone online whom I judged unfairly without getting their side of the story.

I didn't do this deliberately; I didn't even realize I was doing it until very recently. Over the last few years, I've had many frustrations, some of which upset me to the point of affecting my judgment. That's what happened here; I ended up getting caught up in someone else's negative opinion about someone because I simply didn't have the emotional energy to investigate for myself.

Now that I'm finally clear of that former mess, however, I can look back on my own actions with a more objective eye. When I did, I was forced to realize that I was doing to this person the very thing others were doing to me that I found so frustrating: I was judging her without getting her side of the story.

I began to realize my mistake when I started reading her blog regularly. I first went there mostly to watch her reactions to my friend when he made digs at her (something he delights in doing, unfortunately). However, as I read more and more of her blog, and as she and I started exchanging E-mails (originally prompted when she wanted to discuss some comments I'd made to her blog) I began thinking, Hm. She doesn't seem anything like what I was led to believe.

I have since made a point of getting to know her, at least as much as she has been willing (her opinion of myself was also skewed by the opinion of the aforementioned individual with whom I'd had the conflict). That's when I began to realize how badly distorted my perspective of her was. As I got to know her better, I realized there was a lot more to the story than my friend's side. I should have known that but I was too blinded by my own pain at the time to see it.

Now that I have, though, I'd like to apologize publicly and for the record to "Bonobobabe." I castigated her for the way she runs her blog. Specifically, I criticized her choice to censor some comments and sometimes make the whole blog private in order to avoid my friend's comments. I thought she just didn't have the stomach to deal with the inevitable troublemakers blogging brings; I thought she should just get out of the proverbial kitchen if she couldn't stand the heat.

Although I cannot go into detail suffice it to say that, having gotten her perspective, I now understand why she did what she did. I still maintain she should open her blog up to the wider public (in my opinion, there's not much point in having a blog that isn't open to the public; the whole point of a blog is to express your ideas to society at large) but I now understand, and respect, her decision to make it private.

I'd also like to point out that I am, at this point, not on any side here. Having seen both perspectives, hers and my friend's, I feel that they both have made mistakes. I now consider them both friends. If, some day, they ever wish to try to come to some sort of understanding, I'd be happy to help them "clear the air." As someone who's heard both sides, I'm in a unique position to help; all they have to do is ask.

Even the best of us are hypocrites once in a while. To err is Human; we all make mistakes. The difference between someone who makes a mistake and a true hypocrite, however, is the person guilty of hypocrisy who refuses to admit it and apologize for their mistake.

In this situation, I was a hypocrite. I realize that now.

I apologize.

Internet Neutrality

2009-09-02T11:38:00.000-03:00

I just stumbled onto a group on Facebook called "Dissolve the CRTC." In brief, it's a group who believes that the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has strayed from its mandate to protect the interests of Canadians in the media in favor of corporate interests; the group is advocating the dissolution of the CRTC to replace it with a more neutral organization.

On their website, they had an article called "Canada's Internet Explained" which linked to this video on YouTube:

What concerns me here is the concept of "Internet neutrality" (also known as "network neutrality"). For more details, I strongly recommend watching the video above; it explains it very well. However, in brief, the principle of Internet neutrality states that ISPs may not restrict the type of equipment, protocols or content you can use and access on the Internet. Everything connected to the network is equally accessible to everything else.

This blog, for example, is just as easy to access as a huge media giant like CNN. If you type in "http://pedalingprince.blogspot.com" then, "http://www.cnn.com," both sites come up just as easily. In effect, I can compete directly with CNN, reaching just as wide an audience; if I happen to have a story more interesting than anything CNN has at the time, I could conceivably "scoop" them. Me, one man, one computer, competing against a worldwide media giant.

Of course, that's not the nature of this particular blog; I'm not a journalist, but you get the idea. Anyone out there who wants to compete against anyone else on the network, whether that someone else be a major worldwide corporation or a single person sitting at a single machine, the playing field is completely level. Unlike with traditional media, the individual can conceivably generate just as much exposure for themselves as any major media outlet.

This is one of the Internet's founding principles; it's something we all understand about it instinctively. What concerns me is the fact that this concept has been given a name. Why does that concern me? Until now, the concept described by the term was part of the "common sense" of the Internet. It didn't have to be defined; it's part of what makes the Internet what it is. The fact that it has to be defined, however, implies that this is no longer "common sense."

If "Internet neutrality" is no longer common sense then it stands to reason that something is changing about this fundamental nature of the Internet; if this is true then it also stands to reason that at least some part of the Internet is no longer neutral. In fact, it's not. There have been many stories in the media lately of major ISPs restricting access to competitors' sites and technology; this is a violation of Internet neutrality.

Now that I think about it, though, violations of Internet neutrality aren't really new. AOL, for example, is most famous for its restrictive interfaces and proprietary protocols that make it very difficult to use non-AOL products to connect to their network. AOL, therefore, is probably one of the earliest examples of a company that violates the principles of Internet neutrality by attempting to control how its users connect to the network.

Of course, AOL used to be fairly unique in this. Most ISPs would allow you to access the network free and clear with any platform and/or software you wanted to use; so long as it was compatible with the Internet's protocols and you knew how to use it you could use it. Unfortunately, however, the idea of trying to control how an ISP's users connect is starting to go "mainstream;" most of the major ISPs today have been guilty of this in some way, shape or form.

That's why I prefer smaller, independent ISPs. They have no motivation to restrict their users' access because their open, unrestricted access itself is their biggest advantage over the bigger ISPs. That's why I chose Eastlink; they offer decent broadband speeds with no restrictions. I can use whatever computing platform, browser, E-mail client etc. I want and visit any site I want. That's the way it should be. That's what makes the Internet the powerful tool it is.

Most people tend to just go with what the majority uses. Windows, for example, is the most common computer operating system not because it's the best but because it's what everyone's used to. The problem is, once people get used to something, even if it's not the best product available, people tend not to aim any higher; they get used to the performance of a given product and stick with it because it's familiar.

The videocassette format wars, for example. VHS and Betamax ("Beta" for short) were the major formats. As we all know, VHS won that war but what most of us don't know is that VHS was actually the technologically inferior format; Beta had superior resolution and sound quality but (in the beginning) fell short in recording time which was its downfall. Due to its superior quality, Beta continued in professional video use but for home use it disappeared entirely.

Beta did fix its recording time issues; later versions of Beta allowed recording times to rival VHS and Beta picture and sound quality continued to be superior. So why didn't Beta trounce VHS? For the same reason that the Macintosh doesn't trounce Windows: once people are used to something, they tend to stick with it because it's familiar even when better products or services are available. Most people prefer conformity; they prefer to be part of the majority to "fit in."

Being in the minority, however, can have advantages. Most Macintosh users, for example, don't have virus protection. Why? The Mac is in the minority; there just aren't as many out there. A virus written for Macs won't spread nearly as far as one written for Windows so most virus writers focus on Windows so their viruses will spread. Also, the Mac has superior security; writing a virus for a Mac is therefore much more difficult in the first place.

If it wasn't for Internet neutrality, Microsoft might very well have prevented Mac users from accessing the Internet in the first place. It is Internet neutrality that allows Mac users like myself to access the Internet equally with Windows users or, for that matter, users of other even less common systems like Linux, Solaris, Amiga OS and so on. Everyone has the right to access the network with whatever compatible piece of technology they wish; that's as it should be.

Big media giants are trying to change that. They want to restrict the Internet and monopolize public media access the same way they once did when newspapers, television and radio were the only major worldwide media accessible to the public. Back then, if you wanted to be heard by the world, you were at the whim of the companies that ran these media; if they didn't want to put you on, you were out of luck.

If you want to be heard on the Internet, go to any of a plethora of blogging services, get a page up there and, within minutes, your words can be seen by anyone in the world who wishes to read them. Get on YouTube and you can even let people around the world see and hear you with less restriction even than traditional television. There are no channels or range restrictions; a video on YouTube is instantly global the moment it goes live on the network.

The Internet is, in effect, the ultimate evolution in freedom of speech; restricting Internet access would, therefore, amount to censorship. Do we want to go back to the days when the major media decided what we, the public, sees, or do we want to be able to decide for ourselves what we want to see?

"When liberty is taken away by force it can be restored by force. When it is relinquished voluntarily by default it can never be recovered." - Dorothy Thompson

Sex Education: Time for a Reform

2009-08-17T01:43:00.001-03:00

I caught a promotional interview on CBC News with Victor Malarek for his new book, The Johns - Sex for Sale and the Men who Buy It. In it, he talks about human trafficking and how myths about the "need for sex" and outdated attitudes about women drive men to seek poor, uneducated women from developing countries in order to find women they can pay to dominate totally and live out their most disgusting sexual fantasies with.

According to Malarek, much of what's causing (or at least reinforcing) unhealthy attitudes about women and sex is the Internet. Everyone knows the Internet is swimming in porn but what a lot of people don't know is that it doesn't have to stop at porn; if you're looking for a body to live out your fantasies on, you can find women who'll agree to do almost anything for money and the global nature of the Internet makes it easy for men to find these women anywhere in the world.

He goes on further to say that all this objectifies sex, turning it into a commodity to be bought and sold purely for the man's needs. The women aren't doing it because they want to (despite what most men hiring them think); about 96% of them are doing it because they have no choice either because they're caught with a pimp that won't release them or because they simply don't have the ability to raise the money they need in any other way in their given situation.

Worse, some of these women didn't even enter the "profession" willingly; some were drugged, kidnapped and sold into prostitution against their will. Why? Because the sex trade is growing faster than any other organized criminal enterprise right now, drug trafficking included. Why? Like any other business venture, it's profitable because there's a demand for it, and that demand is driven, in turn, by these "needing sex" myths men perpetuate for their own benefit.

"It's about men," Malarek says, "and men still control. [Prostitution is] probably the last bastion they control." So, these men are looking for control, not relationships. Porn does not teach relationship skills, only the mechanics of sex (and even in that it's often unrealistic or outright inaccurate); the only way to break that control is to bring about true equality between men and women by learning an appreciation for the beauty and value of loving relationships.

I haven't read his book (yet), but he said something while explaining this that really hit a nerve in me and prompted me to sit down to write this. He said:

We have to really start talking to boys, at very young ages, about relationships, about love . . . about being involved . . . We can no longer have sex education for kids and say, 'This is a penis, this is a vagina.' . . . they're way more sophisticated than that [thanks] to the Internet. You have to start talking to them about relationships; you have to start talking to them about the equality of young women, of all women and girls. You have to start talking to them about dignity.

A lightbulb went on over my head the moment I heard that.

When I was in late elementary and early junior high, sex education was taught but it was still pretty sparse, focusing almost totally on the mechanics. We were actually given diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems and most of the discussion revolved around the biology of sex; from what I understand, aside from increased emphasis on sexually transmitted disease (particularly HIV), very little has changed in this regard today.

Even back in my day, long before the Internet, I always felt that this was a waste of time. By the time this was even brought to our attention, about 95% already knew how sex was done; the parts we didn't understand, how it affects people, the power of the emotional drive and so on wasn't even touched on. Today, with the Internet bombarding our young people with a plethora of sexual imagery, any class about the mechanics of sex today, to me, seems totally pointless.

I think it's time for total reform of sex education. It should start in Grade Six, I'd say. After a brief discussion about the mechanics (to dispel any myths) covering maybe a class, two at most, then the focus should shift on to the emotional impact of sex, the intimacy of the act, how it affects the judgment, the dangers of how early sex disorts judgment in a relationship, how to build a balanced, equal partnership, and so on.

In fact, people are so screwed up about relationships right now that I think this needs to be more than a subject covered as a segment of a bigger class like science (as it was in my day); it needs to be a subject in and of itself. Perhaps we could call it, "Relationship Education." It'd be a class that explores, not sex, but the emotional dynamics shared by two people who are intimately involved, learning to share each other's lives in a fair and equal way.

We can't stop young people from learning about sex and the domination of women through society; it's everywhere today. What we can do, however, is help them understand what to do with that knowledge and hopefully instill in them an appreciation for equal love, and dignity, for both partners in a relationship, man and woman (or between two men or two women in the case of homosexual relationships).

When my local library opens on Tuesday, I'm going to look for Mr. Malarek's book; I get the feeling he and I think a lot alike on this subject.

"For me, everything boils down to dignity: the dignity of another Human soul. If we don't have that, we lose everything." - Victor Malarek

New Computer!

2009-08-08T03:27:00.000-03:00

Well, although it's going to be hard on the old pocketbook, I decided it was finally time to bite the bullet and get a new computer. I realized my old iMac just wasn't up to the task anymore when I started having trouble playing YouTube videos and I got sick and tired of not having a functioning DVD-ROM drive (the one on the old machine died quite some time ago, the very first hardware failure I've ever had on a Macintosh).

So, I am now the proud owner of a 20" Widescreen iMac! Driven by a 2.66 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 2 GB 1067 MHz DDR3 RAM, this thing's got power to spare! Plus, as the RAM is expandable to 8 GB, this thing will grow with me as software requires more and more power (I never did upgrade the RAM on my old machine; who has 256 MB of RAM nowadays?! :P)! Thank God I'm on vacation this week; I forsee a lot of late nights with this thing. ;)

That being said, although my evaluation of this machine is still preliminary, I have a few quibbles:

While I'm getting used to it more quickly than I thought I would, I'm still not a big fan of this keyboard. As a 95 wpm typist, keyboard feel is critical to me and I find this "flat" form factor a bit awkward. On the other hand, looking around at the other non-Apple computers at Future Shop, I can't help but notice that the "flat" form is becoming the norm for all keyboards. Might as well get used to it, I guess.
The keyboard that comes with this machine also lacks a numeric keypad. I suppose I'll get used to that, too, but right now whenever I go to enter a number, I find myself reaching to the right and my fingers finding nothing but mouse and wood (or air when it's in my lap). Maybe when my pocketbook recovers from the purchase of this thing, I'll sell this keyboard and get one of the full sized versions (they're still flat, though).
I miss my Page Up and Page Down keys, which this keyboard doesn't have, either (again, the full sized one does). Like the keypad, I keep reaching for them out of force of habit.
I'm having trouble transferring my Apple Mail E-mail archives. It's odd; some mailboxes transferred without a hitch, others didn't. I want to hold onto my archives; I have archives of my sent mail going back to March of 2000 and they'd go back further if not for a hard drive crash I had. I think I might be able to rescue the lost data but it'll involve importing a few mailboxes manually.

I was about to write a fourth quibble but I'm just realizing it might not be relevant. Just let me try something here...

Ah, OK. Never mind. I was about to complain that there are no USB ports on the front of this machine which makes using a portable USB "key" drive a real pain but I just realized there is an easily reachable free port, not on the machine itself, but at the left of the keyboard (intended primarily for the left handed who hook their mouse in there but it's still a USB port like any other). I just tried plugging my portable drive in there; it works fine. OK; one problem solved. ;)

Now, on the plus side:

Fast. 'Nuff said. :P
The screen is much brighter, much higher quality and the wide screen gives me a lot more screen real estate to work with; I'm even finding it an advantage in word processing (and I thought I was going to find it awkward :P).
Despite the flat form factor, the keys on the keyboard are nice and firm yet responsive, giving good tactile feedback yet responding to a near feather touch. I'm actually thinking, aside from the missing keys, I'll eventually come to prefer this keyboard over the old fashioned keyboards which "rise up" with each row.
The keyboard is small enough to use in my lap (where it is right now) which is actually more comfortable than using it on the desk.
This thing has nearly ten times the storage capacity of my old machine; no more "out of disk space" messages. Plus, with a functional DVD-ROM drive, even if I do run out of space some day I can always transfer less used files to DVD to free up drive space.

Those are my initial impressions. So far, my most serious issues are with the keyboard. Looks like I can get used to the feel but I think, eventually, I'm going to break down and get this baby's bigger cousin so I can get my full set of keys back. However, for the time being, this works. :)

By the way, any of you out there who've been waiting for E-mail from me you'll be getting replies soon. I was just waiting until I got this new machine. Now that I have it, it'll be a lot easier to catch up on E-mail, Facebook and lots of other stuff without the machine bogging down and taking forever to do anything. :P

I think this thing's going to be worth the financial headaches. ;)

Boundaries

2009-07-31T02:00:00.004-03:00

I've always been a person who likes to get close to people both physically and emotionally. I love to hug. I've been described by several people as "nurturing" because I'm always willing to lend a friendly ear and emotional support to anyone who needs it; when I do, I tend to get very emotionally involved with the person whom I'm listening to. At times, I tend to almost "lose myself" in the life of the other person. I call it being an "open person."

"Open people" have a lot of difficulty learning the concept of "boundaries." We tend to view boundaries as barriers people put up because they're afraid, if others knew certain things about them, they'd think they were strange or bad people and no one would like them. So, "open people" often seek to break down boundaries. Our logic? "You don't have to hide your true self from me; I'll understand. I have weird things about myself, too, you know."

Because of that, the lesson that boundaries are more often about a person's sense of self and privacy rather than shame is a difficult lesson for "open people" to learn. Most of us take years to learn this lesson; some never learn it. Unfortunately, this lack of respect for boundaries, though it's with all the best intentions, has some rather nasty side effects.

When we get really close to someone, "open people" tend to get a sense of "entitlement" regarding a person's life. That is to say we start to get the idea that we have a "right" to know everything about a person; if a person tries to hide anything from us, we look upon it as an insult. "You don't trust me," we think. Unfortunately, this attitude opens up the door to abuse; feeling one has a "right to know" makes one feel justified in invading the other person's privacy.

The thing that blindly eludes us about this is that no matter how much someone may trust and love us, there are just some things we all want to keep to ourselves. One of my favorite Captain Kirk quotes is, "[We all have] ugly, savage things we all keep buried, that none of us dare expose." When we try to expose them in another person, from our perspective we're just trying to forge a closer relationship but, from the other person's point of view, we're intruding.

This ends up creating a dichotomy. We feel we're getting closer to someone by trying to pry into their private thoughts and feelings but they feel repelled by us. "Who the hell is this guy, thinking he has a right to know this stuff about me?" they think. Of course, our defense to that is, "Well, I don't hide anything from you," which is often true; "open people" tend to lower their boundaries in the hope of encouraging others to lower theirs.

It doesn't work that way, though; just because you tell someone your deepest, darkest secrets does not in any way obligate them to tell you anything. So what you end up with is one person expecting the other to tell them everything and, when they don't, trust breaks down. You start assuming, if the other person isn't telling you everything that, "Oh, they must be hiding something." Trust breaks down and, with it, the relationship.

For "open people," it's just hard to understand that someone can love and trust us yet still not want to tell us every single thing in their lives or every single thought that goes through their heads.

Several times of late, I've mentioned on this blog a friend I love deeply. Thinking about her tonight, and thinking about the concept of boundaries, I began to realize that one of the biggest reasons I love her so very much is the simple fact that she taught me this lesson where others, up to now, had failed.

She is one of the most private people I've ever met. The only reason I've been even mentioning her here in public lately, sans name, is because of the abuse "The Wolf" subjects her to; abuse must be be forced into the light if it is to be stopped. Ironically, one of the issues she has with "The Wolf" is this very idea of lack of boundary respect; he doesn't trust her so he also expects her to tell him everything about her and this runs in diametric opposition to her nature.

He, however, because he lacks trust, seems unable to learn the lesson that I have fought so hard to learn about her: just because she doesn't tell you everything does not mean she doesn't trust you or that she's trying to deceive you; she just prefers to play her cards close to the vest. She keeps the details of her personal business to herself mostly for the sake of simplicity; oftentimes, problems are easier to deal with when the fewest people possible are involved.

That, of course, isn't always true, either. There's always the old saying, "no person is an island;" every now and then, you need to tell people your problems in order to get help with them (like with abuse). However, again a lesson that's hard for us "open people," is that decision must be theirs even if it's unwise. In other words, if she chooses to handle something on her own that she shouldn't be, it's not mine nor anyone else's place to come charging in to "help" uninvited.

That being said, in my previous posting I described the hypothetical situation of someone preparing to jump off a bridge to drown themselves. Only situations like that, immediately life threatening, should one disregard a person's boundaries in order to save their life. Aside from that, however, we must accept that sometimes those we love will make choices in life that, from time to time, will hurt them and they have a right to make those choices.

That's a hard thing to do. As I said before, she tends to put herself directly in the path of harm far too frequently. I try to advise her, I try to convince her to do what I feel is the right thing but, in the end, I always have to accept the choices she makes and their consequences. It's hard to watch her get hurt but, though it's often hard on me, I've learned to do it; it was necessary in order to earn her trust.

The thing is, I've never met anyone like this woman. It didn't take me long to realize she was something special; I'd never been more determined to get close to someone as I was with her. In the beginning, before I'd learned what she eventually taught me, I found her tendency to keep to herself frustrating. I was perceptive enough to realize she wanted, even needed, a friend and I was anxious to prove she could trust me; it was disheartening when she wouldn't.

However, I had observed other people trying to pry their way into her heart; those who pried all failed. There were only a handful of people who managed to scale the walls she surrounded herself with and they all had two things in common. One, they were persistent; those who didn't give up survived. Two, they did not pry; they waited for her to come to them.

That's when I realized, if I wanted to get close to this woman, that's what I had to do: be there for her, keep reminding her I'm there if she needs a friend but, if she didn't want to talk, stand back and give her the space she needs. I waited for over a year. I stayed in touch, called her regularly, let her know I was thinking about her but I'd avoid asking direct questions; I'd just ask how she was doing in general.

As I got to know her, I began to be able to read her mood solely by the tone of her voice. If I knew something was bothering her, I'd simply say, "You sound depressed/stressed/angry etc." Sometimes she'd talk about it; sometimes she wouldn't. If she didn't, I'd simply say some variation of, "Well, if you change your mind, call me any time, OK? I'm here." As time went on, she took me up on that offer more and more.

Eventually, she began to lower her boundaries voluntarily. She began to confide in me about aspects of herself I never, in my wildest dreams, thought she'd ever discuss with anyone. Before I knew it, we were talking every single day. Sometimes we'd be on the phone for many hours; the longest I remember so far I think was about five and a half (that's is rare, though; most of our conversations average between 15 minutes and an hour and a half).

Today, whenever she needs a friend, whether she needs a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, someone to share her joys with or just someone to relax and chat with for a while, I'm the first person she calls. I do the same; I tell her things I tell no one else.

Still, she doesn't tell me absolutely everything; I don't tell her everything about me, either. Before I met her, I used to feel offended when people would keep things from me; now, having gotten to know the heart of a person so private I understand: boundaries aren't about trust; they're about establishing identity. Keeping a few things to yourself helps keep you from losing yourself in another person and giving that person too much power over you.

That is one of the many reasons I love this woman so much; she taught me what is probably the most valuable lesson I've ever learned about what closeness really means. I feel far closer to her than I've ever felt to anyone because she showed me her heart willingly. Prying may have eventually yielded the same information but it wouldn't be nearly as special; it's so much more intimate when someone opens up to you solely on the strength of their trust in you.

Ironically, I know her 10 times better than "The Wolf" could ever hope to. It's not in his nature to respect boundaries but, even if he could learn that lesson right now it's too late for him; by trying to pry his way into her heart, he's irrevocably damaged even the slimmest chance she'd ever trust him to the level she trusts me. Given the danger he represents, I feel that's for the best; it'll make it easier for her to break away when she finally summons the strength to do so.

Sometimes I think it's unfortunate I couldn't have learned this lesson earlier; it might've saved the relationships I recently lost. However, my friend believes everything happens for a reason; I'm starting to agree. If I had learned this lesson earlier, if I had saved those relationships, I might be miserable now; both of those relationships needed to end. One, I just wasn't compatible with; the other was a pacifistic Annie Wilkes. I think it's best I'm free of them.

Honestly, though I have no "romantic" relationship right now, I feel far more fulfilled in my friend's love than I ever did with my girlfriends.

Between our lives, there are boundaries; between our hearts, there are none.

Maybe that is the ultimate definition of healthy love.

Control

2009-07-27T05:10:00.000-03:00

In my family while I was growing up, everyone it seemed had the skill of manipulation down to a fine art. I used to hate being manipulated or guilt-tripped into anything. In my younger days, sometimes I would catch myself doing the self same thing to people in my life. Even today, I occasionally backslide into guilt-tripping territory but, by and large, I've learned not to do it because I know all too well how it feels and I don't want to make people feel that way.

We all try to dominate, control or manipulate others in some way, shape or form whether we realize it or not. Most people consider this to be a bad thing; often it is but, like many things in life, whether it's good or bad really depends on the circumstances. It's been my experience that whether it's a good thing or bad thing depends largely on the motivation behind the person trying to exert the control.

To illustrate the point, let's draw examples from two popular movies that most of you have probably seen: Forrest Gump and Titanic.

In Forrest Gump, when Forrest's mother tries to get him into school, the principal tells her he can't accept him because his IQ is five points too low. However, the principal implies that, if she was to grant him a sexual favor or two, he might be persuaded to look the other way. Obviously she doesn't want to have sex with the man but she also doesn't want Forrest relegated to "special classes." So she agrees to the sex.

In this case, the principal manipulates Forrest's mother to have sex with him. He isn't doing this to help Mrs. Gump or Forrest for that matter; he's doing it solely for his own pleasure. This is a case of bad manipulation: manipulating a person to do something that benefits him alone. Selfish manipulation like this is inevitably destructive to the person being manipulated; this was undoubtedly not one of Mrs. Gump's happier memories.

In Titanic, Jack comes upon Rose getting ready to commit suicide by jumping off the back of the ship. He manipulates her into reconsidering what she's doing by describing in intimate detail how painful what she's about to do is likely to be. In the end, this breaks Rose's resolve and she decides not to go through with it.

In this case, Jack manipulates Rose out of committing suicide. Doing so is of no direct benefit to him; he does it solely to help her. This is a case of good manipulation: manipulating a person to do something that benefits them. There are times when it's necessary to manipulate someone for their own good; a person about to commit suicide convinced to live is probably among the best of examples.

Now, fiction has the advantage of being a bit more black and white than real life. In both of these cases, the motivation behind the manipulator was absolute black or white. One was entirely selfish; the other was entirely selfless. Unfortunately, real life is rarely so cut and dried. The trouble with manipulation is the very nature of manipulation most times makes it extraordinarily complex both in motivation and execution.

For example, the friend I've mentioned before whom I love so dearly has an unfortunate predilection for putting herself directly in harm's way. Now this is one of those situations where manipulation, theoretically, is good; if she's putting herself in danger, like Jack with Rose it makes sense for me to try to talk her out of it. Unfortunately, the situations are more often than not a hell of a lot more complicated than Jack and Rose's.

First of all, it's often like pulling teeth just to get her to recognize danger in the first place. One incident I remember was she was going boating. She said there'd be drinking which is never a good idea when boating. Since I couldn't stop the drinking I asked her to wear a life jacket; she refused saying, "I can swim." I tried to tell her that, under the influence of alcohol, even good swimmers drown but I simply could not convince her to put on that life jacket.

Second, even when she does recognize danger, she often doesn't seem to care. She seems convinced that, if she were to die, no one would miss her. When I tried to explain how much it would hurt me if she died, I remember her exact words to me: "You'll survive." Well, maybe my body would survive but my soul wouldn't. She's claimed a huge piece of my heart; if she died, that piece would die with her and I doubt there'd be enough heart left to keep me going.

Now the problem is she's clearly putting herself at risk in situations like this but, again, it's not totally cut and dried like fictional situations often are. It's not like she's hanging off the back of a ship threatening to jump. She's not trying to hurt herself; she's just being reckless.

How far you can go trying to control a person also depends on the situation. For example, if she was standing on a bridge threatening to drown herself, I'd be perfectly justified in grabbing her and physically restraining her. However, I would not be justified going down to the dock where she's boating, grabbing her and forcing a life jacket over her head. Actually trying to hurt oneself is different from just being careless with one's safety.

Of course, where do you draw that line? Sometimes it actually seems like she has a death wish, deliberately putting herself in situations like the boating and drinking which she herself would admit were dangerous; she'd defend her actions saying, "If God wants to take me, He will; if He doesn't, He won't." Is she trying to put herself in situations where she'll die without having to do it by her own hand? If so, is that the same as actually threatening to drown herself?

See what I mean about it being complicated? It's a no-brainer that she should be wearing that life jacket so my attempts to convince her to do so in and of themselves are obviously the right thing, but how do you decide how far to go when you're trying to get someone to do something for their own good?

As it happened, she didn't wear the life jacket and she ultimately got through the night safely though I was terrified the whole night; I was never so glad to get a call from her as I was that following day.

Of course, attempts to manipulate someone in a positive way aren't always tied to safety or life-or-death situations. For example, when I got out of high school, I wanted to take a year off to figure out what I wanted to do with my life before I went to college. My uncle, however, pressured me hard to go to college right out of high school because he thought that was the right thing to do.

Now, he had the best intentions; he was trying to give me a head start. However, in this case he was wrong. He ultimately pushed me into a business management course at Cape Breton University that I absolutely hated; in the end, I just couldn't do it. Maybe if I'd taken a year I might've realized what I know now: that I really wanted to make films. Maybe if I'd realized that then and gotten into the industry, I might've made something of myself by now.

Not that I blame my uncle; I don't. No one can manipulate you unless you let them (remember my friend above did not wear that life jacket I tried so hard to convince her to wear). Still, if it hadn't been for his influence, I certainly wouldn't have wasted two years of my life in a course that has been of little or no use to me in life.

Ultimately, though, I think it turned out for the best. The most important thing in my life is to always be there for the people I love. Making a film tends to be an all-consuming thing; you have very little time for anyone or anything but the project. I don't want to be that way and, if I had gotten into the industry the way I wanted, I probably would be that way.

Still, I continue to write screenplays; I'd just prefer to leave the execution of them to other people whose vision I trust to bring my stories to life. You can always get up from writing a screenplay if someone needs you; getting away from a film you're directing, however, with all the actors and crew being paid by the hour waiting for you, is way more difficult.

Therein lies the biggest problem with trying to manipulate someone: you never really know what the ultimate outcome will be. No one's perfect. You might think what you're pushing someone to do is the right thing but that doesn't mean you're right.

For example, my friend is in an abusive relationship that she obviously needs to get out of. Now she doesn't want any interference so if I wanted to manipulate her into acting I could, say, threaten to call the police. The problem is, she'd resent that so, even if it did force her to act, she'd probably end up back with him in the end and I'd be risking damaging our friendship as well at a time when she needs a friend probably more than she ever has.

Of course, even if I did call the police, that also would probably make the situation worse. The abuse is not physical (yet; it's definitely headed in that direction) and abuse cases where there's no physical injury are notoriously difficult to prove. In the end, when the police leave, he'd be angry that they were called and would likely take his anger out on her. Transition House warned me about that possibility (though I'd already surmised that).

Unfortunately, that's why I often feel so helpless when someone I love's in trouble. Sometimes, it's obvious what the solution is and I know where I need to try to push them. Other times, however, situations can be much more complicated and, while I know my loved one's in trouble, I might not have any idea what to do to help. In these situations, all I can do is pray for them, be there for them and hope they survive.

That, however, is one of the hardest things to do in life. Particularly with my friend above, I sometimes wish I had access to Star Trek-type technology like transporters so, if I saw she was about to do something foolish or dangerous, I could just beam her away from the danger. She probably wouldn't like that but at least I'd know I wasn't going to lose her to some senseless, avoidable tragedy.

I often wonder why God guided me to this woman and gave me such love for her. Maybe if I was able to actually do something to help her I might understand but, most of the time, I'm rendered powerless by circumstance. Sometimes I just want to go to her, grab her by the shoulders and scream: "What is wrong with you?! Can't you see the danger you're in?!" then drag her out of the situation, kicking and screaming if need be.

But I can't do that. Just like I had the right to stay in my abusive situation with Lisa for 12 years, so too does she have the right to stay in hers. I will say this: watching her situation has given me a whole new respect for my friends who stuck by me through the "Lisa years." They must've been going ballistic worrying about me and I must've been just as frustrating as my friend above is to me; I never listened to them any more than she listens to me.

In the end, we all try to manipulate the people in our lives. How and why is mostly a function of the kind of person you are. The good person will try to use manipulation to help those they love; the bad person will use manipulation to get what they want out of people. Even when you're manipulating someone for good reasons, though, you still need to remember that old saying:

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"Sport Nookie"

2009-07-11T03:23:00.000-03:00

"I need sex."

This is a concept that's really starting to annoy the hell out of me. I hear this everywhere lately: in advice columns, in TV, in movies, even from my friends. Everybody talks about "needing" sex as if it was as critical to one's survival as air, water and food.

OK. It's natural to want sex. It is, after all, the most fluent language one Human being can "speak" to express love for another; this makes it our greatest pleasure. It's also necessary to the survival of our species as a whole; if everyone stopped having sex right now, our species would die off completely in a space of 100 years or so. So, as a species we "need" it, yes, but as individuals, we don't.

On the Golden Girls episode "Love Me Tender," Dorothy was having a sexual fling with a man she had nothing in common with except that they had great sex. Sophia felt Dorothy was cheapening herself doing this; Dorothy objected, saying, "I am a grown woman and I have needs." Sophia replied, "Needs! You need food. You need air. You need a better wrinkle cream. You don't need sport nookie!"

Sophia was right; one does not need sex to live. Yet, somehow, more and more people today are getting it into their heads that sex is something that people need.

There are people out there who never have sex their entire lives. Are they unhappy? Sometimes, but not always. For the most part, the only people who suffer in a life of celibacy are those who buy this notion of "needing" sex. Those who recognize sex is not a "need," however, are often quite happy celibate; some even choose a life of celibacy because they prefer the simplicity of a life not tied to the inevitable emotional complications of intense passion.

Despite that fundamental truth, I continually encounter person after person who, in the grip of loneliness, feel they "need" sex to fill the void or who "need" sex as a stress reliever, losing themselves in the endorphin rush to try to forget all their problems. Sex sought out as a "quick fix" inevitably bears no emotional connection or meaning to the person in your bed. That's because love takes time to develop; sexual attraction does not.

Two people can be attracted to each other the moment they meet then immediately jump right into bed with each other before they even know each other's names. Now the endorphin rush of touch and arousal feels good in the moment but it's a mere shadow of the feeling of being touched, caressed, held and joined with someone you truly love and who truly loves you.

Love is born from the heart, not the skin; it's not possible to love someone from the first moment you meet. If you go out seeking sex as a "quick fix" you won't find love; you'll just find empty pleasures of the flesh. In the end, it doesn't fill the void of loneliness and, when you come off the high of the physical pleasure, the stress is still there.

To further complicate matters, the endorphin rush of sex radically alters ones judgment. When we have sex with someone for the first time, our brains instinctively "imprint" on that person. At a subconscious level, the cave person within now thinks, "This is my mate." This is a powerful drive, forever altering the way you see that person. Unfortunately, the drive is so powerful that people tend to get confused and think that this drive is "love."

So here's what often happens: lonely people, desperate for love, look for it by seeking sex. When they find sex, the endorphin rush tricks their brains into thinking they're "in love" so they think they've found what they're looking for. They're so glad to have found what they think is "love" that they don't bother to examine it and realize that all they're feeling is shallow pleasure.

This illusion of "love" is so powerful that their endorphin-soaked brains even trick them into believing they love this person more than their best friend. If you really stop and examine that, however, you realize that this is not possible. A real friendship develops over many years. How can two people, only having just met or even known each other for a few weeks or months, possibly understand each other better than longtime friends in just a single night together?

Yet that's exactly what the endorphin rush of sex makes you believe in the moment; it's that powerful. The problem is, it is an illusion; in the final analysis, you really know this person no better after a night of sex than you know your next door neighbor you only see in the hall occasionally. Would you trust someone you barely know to handle you at your most vulnerable? Most of us would say no.

Yet those who get into bed and have sex with people on first meeting are doing just that. In bed with another person, the clothes off, nothing between your body and the body of the person before you but your skin and theirs, is probably the most vulnerable one Human being can be to another, not only physically but emotionally as well. The outcome of such an intimate act inevitably imprints itself in our souls at our most fundamental, primal emotional level.

Because that vulnerability is so deep, loveless sex isn't merely empty; it's dangerous. You're exposing your body and the most primal level of your emotional awareness to another person whom you know virtually nothing about. How do you know this person can be trusted with your deepest emotional drives if you know nothing about them?

That's why abusive relationships are so common. Blinded by the endorphin rush, addicted to it, wanting more, we overlook red flags in our partner's behavior. To complicate matters further, Western Culture's "romantic ideal" is "'till death do us part." We so much want that fairytale romance we see in the movies that we're willing to hang onto a relationship sometimes even when a person does things to us that, if anyone else had done to us, we would never forgive.

So, in the end, that "quick fix" can lock you into a relationship with someone who, far from making you feel loved, only makes you miserable, far more miserable than loneliness ever made you.

People often look back on old fashioned romantic values, saving sex for later in the relationship (waiting until one is married traditionally), with a dismissive eye. "This is 2009, not 1909," they'll say. Granted, perhaps the rules of conduct back then were a little too stringent but, in principle, I think our forefathers were onto something. There is value in letting a relationship develop unfettered by the blinding endorphin rush of sexual pleasure.

Worse yet, the idea that one "needs" sex doesn't only create bad relationships; it also can damage otherwise good relationships. Consider the case of a man and woman, happily married, then the wife say loses her sex drive because of some illness or emotional problem. If her husband subscribes to the theory that one "needs" sex, what happens? He pressures her into having sex even if she doesn't want to; occasionally, this can even lead to rape.

In a recent "Annie Mailbox," I actually read a letter from someone who said that one partner denying another sexual pleasure in a relationship is "abuse." That, actually, was the catalyst that started the posting you're now reading. Reading that angered me. If you love someone, really love them, then their presence in your life should be fulfilling enough. You can always give yourself sexual release if you want it that badly, but you can't give yourself love.

That being said, I do agree that someone deliberately withholding sex as a punishment is abusive; I'm speaking here of people who simply don't want sex for whatever reason. One should never feel "obligated" to have sex. Old chauvinistic attitudes about a "wife's duty" to her husband are born, not out of "need" but out of selfishness. Emotionally healthy sex is always about showing love to the other person, not seeking your own selfish pleasure.

Myself personally, I haven't had sex since August 2006, just shy of three years ago. Am I suffering because of this? Not at all. I may not have sex but I do have love. There is someone in my life now that I love more than I've ever loved anyone and they love me. The fact that our relationship isn't sexual is irrelevant; their love is the most precious thing in my life. I'm happy with that.

It's so much more fulfilling to feel loved than have sex.

That doesn't mean I haven't been tempted; I have been. There have been times when I wanted sex badly enough that I thought of having a cheap one night stand. I am, after all, only Human. I haven't actually had a one night stand, however, because I have never been in bed with a woman I didn't love and I want to be able to say to any woman I'm with in the future, "I don't go to bed with women I don't love."

I have never had sex with a woman I didn't love. When I get into bed with a woman, I'm there to show her how much I love her. A friend of mine recently offended me deeply when he implied, if I was rich, I would "buy" the love of a woman I love. "I'm a man, John!" he said. "Don't insult my intelligence and tell me you wouldn't try to buy her love if you could!"

Sex can be bought; love cannot. It's not possible for me to buy love and I would never buy sex; I never want a woman to touch me in that way unless she wants to because she loves me.

My friend above sometimes accepts the "services" of women whom he pays for sex. If that's what he wants in life, more power to him, but I sometimes worry about him. He's never going to find love that way and he's putting himself at risk of being hurt. Despite the insult, he is a good friend and I don't want to see him sell himself short just because, like so many before him, he feels he "needs" sex badly enough to pay for it.

I feel sorry for anyone who pays for sex. Anyone who does that cannot understand love and the true intimacy of the sexual act.

Sex is, in the end, the most profound way one Human being can express love for another. It's a powerful force and, like like all powerful forces, it must be respected. Sex must not be treated as a commodity that can be bought. It must not be treated as a need one's partner is obligated to provide. It must be treated with respect as the ultimate language of love and the progenitor of new life.

In the words of Sophia Patrillo, we don't need "sport nookie;" we need love. Sex is not love; one can have love without it.

Being loved is far more fulfilling, than sex alone could ever hope to be.

Star Trek IMAX: Day 1

2009-05-07T15:43:00.000-03:00

Ever since I found out the new Star Trek film was going to be showing in IMAX I just knew I had to go to Halifax and see it at Bayer's Lake's IMAX facility. Yup. If you're going to see a big science fiction action film, you gotta go big, and nothing's bigger than IMAX. ;)

So that's where I am right now, gentle readers. To be more precise, I'm in Lower Sackville at my best friend Robert Martell's house where I'll be staying. While I'm here, of course, I'll be taking the opportunity to spend some time with my good friend Rob; living 395 kilometers away from each other, we don't get as much "hanging out" time as we'd like.

Whoever said that "getting there was half the fun" never tried "getting there" on a cold, wet, drizzly day on a bicycle. OK, I didn't bike all the way here; I would have but I didn't have the 16+ hours to spare it would have taken to bike all the way from Sydney to Lower Sackville. So instead I took Acadian Lines with my bike in a bike bag in the cargo hold under the bus.

Taking the bike on the bus was pretty convenient, actually; when I hit Dartmouth I just slipped the bike out of the bag and it was ready to roll. Navigating, on the other hand, went less than smoothly.

When I checked Google Maps, there were two possible routes to Lower Sackville from the bus terminal. One was to take the Evangeline Trail; the other was to take the Bedford Bypass. I was originally going to take the former but Rob pointed out that there are seven sets of traffic lights on the Evangeline Trail; on the bypass, no lights at all and no intersections, being a highway. That made sense to me; it was 100 meters further but, with no stopping, I'd make better time.

Now this morning, while I'm already on the bus, I get a call from Rob. "I just found out the Bedford Bypass is prohibited to bikes; you'll have to use the Evangeline Trail." Of course, at that point, I already had the Bedford Bypass maps printed and, since I was already three hours out of home, I couldn't go back and print new ones at that point so I figured, OK, I can handle this; I'll muddle through somehow when I get there.

When I got there, the first part of the trip was OK since I still have to go up the same streets in the beginning. I went down Akerly Boulevard and made the right onto Windmill Road. This put the rain in my face. OK. Before I knew it, I was passing a sign that said "No Slow Moving Vehicles." *SIGH* Somehow, I ended up taking the wrong exit and, before I knew it, I was on that "prohibited access" highway with no way off.

At that point, I figured to hell with it. The highway was identical to highways like the Sydney Bypass which I traverse semi-regularly in Cape Breton all the time. I figured, at that point, it would be safer to just stay on the highway and get it over with than try to do a U-turn with all this high speed traffic. So I stuck to it. I guess I did the right thing; a police cruiser went right by me and didn't even slow down. I guess this "prohibited access" thing isn't enforced, anyway.

Mind you, I'm not one to break traffic law and I was profoundly uncomfortable doing that. If I could've found a safe way to exit that highway and find an alternate route I would have and you can bet I'm going to be planning a new route to go back (with Rob's help) that'll allow me to avoid that problem on the return trip. I only hope this stupid rain will bugger off before then; it'll be a lot easier to avoid mistakes like that if I can f*BEEP*ing see... :P

Anyway, right now I'm just waiting for Rob to get home from work. In the meantime, I'm hanging out with his mother and his wife and the menagerie of cats underfoot (Rob's wife just worships cats; I swear she must be a reincarnated ancient Egyptian... :P).

I have to say, writing my blog on Rob's computer is also a major plus. He has an iMac, too, but a much newer model than my own; it's dramatically faster. Plus, he also has a digital camera so I'm hoping, unlike on my other blog entries, I'll actually have some pictures to go along with my stories this time. ;) Not yet, though; like I said, I still have to wait for Rob to get home. ;)

So stay tuned, everyone! I'll keep you posted! ;)

Eternal Cyclone of the Human Heart

2009-03-25T17:28:00.000-03:00

Computers are extraordinarily complicated devices. Every single piece of software ever written for a computer has bugs in it somewhere. This isn’t because the programmers don’t understand how the computer works; they do. The problem is there’s just so much to keep track of that it’s simply beyond the capacity of the Human brain to keep track of it all.

It seems the Human heart follows a similar dynamic. I have said many times in the pages of this blog that I’ve come to understand love; I still believe that. However, like the programmer who understands the computer but can’t keep track of all the minute details, so too can I understand love and still make mistakes. Feelings are just too complex; even if you understand them, there are just too many to keep track of.

When I said I no longer loved Lisa, I was only partially correct. I am not in love with her; that I know. However, recent events have forced me to acknowledge what my heart, still hurting from recent wounds, was trying to keep buried to avoid the pain:

I still love Lisa.

I’ve been back and forth about this so many times that I’m probably starting to sound crazy to some of my regular readers. If you think that, I don’t blame you; even I sometimes wonder. However, at this point, I have to acknowledge once and for all that I probably will always love Lisa whether I want to or not (that probably also means I still love Riin somewhere deep down though, honestly, right now I don’t feel it).

So. What prompted this revelation? It’s a weird story; bear with me:

The day following Lisa’s recent call, I got a call from her stepfather demanding that I return Lisa’s TV. This took me by surprise. The agreement when she left (which I have since confirmed with Lisa) was that I was to keep the TV. So, basically, I had no idea where this was coming from. However, I was totally unable to talk him out of it so I resigned myself to getting a new TV and got it ready for him to pick up.

The next day, I wanted to call him and find out exactly when he was coming in because my mom was coming in to drive me into town to get a new TV; I didn’t want to keep her waiting. My only phone now is a cell phone and I have limited daytime minutes so I decided to use my office phone.

Now, my office phone doesn’t come up on Call Display. Lisa’s stepfather wasn’t home so, when I called and Lisa didn’t see my name on the Call Display, she decided to answer. When I heard her voice, I was taken aback at first then, once I collected my wits, I decided to take a deep breath, stay calm and not act like a total idiot like I did last time. Gently, I started trying to get our long-overdue conversation started.

At first, it seemed hopeless; Lisa flatly said she didn’t have anything to say. However, as the conversation went on, the ice finally started to melt when she realized that I genuinely regretted the way I had behaved when she called on Sunday; the ice finally cracked when I openly apologized. Though we both agreed I was overly harsh, we also agreed that Lisa asking me to leave her mother’s wake was wrong on her part; she apologized, too.

Once apologies were made on both sides, we finally opened up a little and talked about how we each have been feeling these past few months. It was a difficult and very slow process but, bit by bit, we began to explore the damage on both sides and acknowledge our culpability, both of us, in causing it. It was such a relief; it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to have such a balanced, heart-to-heart with Lisa like that.

Now, I don’t remember exactly what it was that Lisa said that prompted this but, at one point, she said something that gave me a serious case of the giggles. I don’t know how she does it but every time we fight or discuss anything emotional she always finds some way to get me laughing. Once that happened, the ice shattered. Everything came pouring out, good and bad, on both sides.

I was surprised, though, at how much positive we had to talk about. Oh, we had a lot of back and forth about our many misunderstandings, sure, but we also talked about developments in her family (one of her aunts got engaged; the wedding’s August 1) and new developments in my life. We even caught up with each other on wrestling which was a blast (I'd been aching to ask her opinion on the upcoming Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match at WrestleMania XXV ;)).

Ironically, it’s only blind luck that Lisa and I even got to talk. If her father had been home and/or if I hadn’t decided to use my office phone, Lisa never would have picked up my call. It was just one of those moments where you knew something was just meant to happen.

I also don’t think it’s coincidence that, only a day prior, I actually added Lisa to my prayers for the first time since her mother died. In my Prayer of Petition to her, I asked St. Rita to guide Lisa, help her to resist hurting people when she’s angry (which is something, unfortunately, she tends to do; she admits so herself) and to give her an opportunity to make amends to those she has already hurt.

In St. Rita’s Prayer of Petition, it says, “We promise, if our petitions are granted to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift.” In other words, if St. Rita answers your prayer, you’re supposed to let people know that she did so that others will know that they can come to her for help, too. That being said: St. Rita did answer my prayer; she gave Lisa an opportunity to make amends with me and she did. We made amends with each other.

Now, when I say “made amends,” let me be crystal clear: We are not talking about “getting back together.” If this experience has taught us anything, it’s that Lisa and I get along much better when we don’t have to deal with each other 24/7. We’re meant to be friends, not lovers. That’s the main reason Lisa and I failed; we were trying to force our relationship into being something it’s not.

There’s still a lot to talk about; it’s still a long road ahead. However, I think it’s a road worth traveling.

I hope Lisa will think so, too, as time goes on.

An Unexpected Call

2009-03-23T17:50:00.000-03:00

Guess who I got a call from last night.

Lisa. Of all people.

I tore a strip off her, good and solid. I maintained decorum of speech, mind you; I didn't resort to swearing or name calling. However, I made it abundantly clear exactly how I felt about her decision to kick me out of her mother's wake, something I've been wanting to tell her for quite some time.

I think the way I reacted took her by surprise. From the tone of her voice when she first called, I think she was expecting me to be conciliatory and wanting to work things out. I did want to work things out. Once. Not anymore. Not since I discovered she was capable of callousness of such a magnitude that she could take away a man's one and only chance to say goodbye to someone they loved in life as Lisa did when she had me asked to leave the wake.

I asked her why she did that. Know what she said?

"I was afraid you might start something with me."

Those were her exact words.

It's been my experience that most of us, when dealing with others whom we don't know or understand, tend to fill in the pieces we don't know about a person with pieces of our own personalities. Now, despite having known me for 12 years, Lisa never really understood me. Maybe understanding me was simply beyond her ability. Maybe she didn't care enough to even try to get to know me.

In either case, put simply, she does not know me (not nearly as well as she should, or as well as she thinks she does).

Seeing me arrive at her mother's wake, Lisa had to make her best guess how I might behave. Since she doesn't know me, she thought about how she might react in my place. Lisa has always reacted first, thought later; she knows full well, if she came to, say, my grandmother's wake and was upset with me at the time she would not be able to keep her feelings to herself. So she projected that onto me, assuming I would do the same.

Well I didn't. Not even when I was asked to leave (and, if there was ever a legitimate reason to be angry, that was it).

I know I've made mistakes. I haven't always handled situations with Lisa the best possible way. Still, I just can't get my mind around how she could've shared my life for 12 years and known so little about me that she'd think I would do something so reprehensible as to make a scene at somebody's wake.

If that's all she thinks of me, I'm also at a bit of a loss to understand why she even bothered to call me in the first place.

That's what's bothering me the most. When I asked her point blank why she called, all she'd say is, "I just needed to hear your voice." Well, that might make sense in a normal relationship context but not after everything that's happened. I could tell by the tone of her voice; she wanted to say something but I think, when I snapped back at her so hard, she lost her nerve and decided not to say what was on her mind.

The call dropped (or she may have hung up; I'm not sure) before I could get an answer to that. I've been trying to reach her ever since. She wouldn't pick up her phone last night and it's off now. Evidently, she refuses to face me.

I wish she'd at least have enough intestinal fortitude to face the consequences of her actions like an adult and at least tell me why she called.

I think she has a responsibility to at least explain that.

A Visitor from Ann Arbor

2009-02-24T20:34:00.002-04:00

Hm... I wonder who this is...?

"Great Lakes Environmental Research Laboratory" in Ann Arbor huh? Well, whoever it is landed on my blog as a result of a Google search for "Riin's Rants" and ended up at my posting The Pedomorphic Pharisee.

Well, if this person was looking for info on Riin, he/she certainly got an eyeful...

Nice to know my humble little blog is managing to spread some truth about her, particularly to someone who lives in her hometown who, presumably, has the opportunity to meet her in the flesh; at least it gives this poor person a chance to polarize the hull plating before they get subjected to Riin's ruthless reviling (and her small-minded views eventually give her reason to do that to everyone she meets sooner or later).

A Fundamental Flaw

2009-02-21T05:14:00.002-04:00

No matter how much we learn about love, it seems we're all vulnerable to making the same mistakes.

Ever since Lisa left, I've been looking back at my life and wondering where it all went wrong. I examined not only my relationship with Lisa but my relationship with Riin as well. Once I compared the two, I realized that the failure of both relationships can be traced back to one simple thing:

Selfishness.

Not my selfishness; theirs.

Not that I haven't been selfish sometimes. We all are; it's Human nature. However, there's a certain threshold of selfishness one should not cross. When one wants one's own way from time to time, that's normal, even natural; when one starts to think they're the center of the Universe and everything revolves around them, that is when one crosses the line from healthy selfishness to excessive selfishness.

Lisa's mother died on January 12, 2009. I was devastated. She was good to me for the 12 years Lisa and I were together. She did a lot for me, and she loved me; I've always appreciated that. So I decided, though Lisa and I weren't speaking at the time, that I wanted to go and pay my respects to her. I went to her wake to say goodbye.

Pretty much the moment I came in the door, one of Lisa's relatives approached me and said, "Thank you for coming out; we really appreciate it. However, Lisa doesn't want to see you; we're going to have to ask you to leave."

I was not prepared for that. I would have left on the spot except that my mother and my sister were still inside and they had to drive me home; I couldn't leave until they did. Eventually, they came out and said that Lisa had spoken to her father and that they'd let me in after all to pay my respects. Of course, after the way I was "greeted," I was profoundly uncomfortable. It was all I could do to go in for 15 seconds and say my goodbyes before I had to get out of there.

At first, I didn't fully register what Lisa had done. I knew her mother's death had hit her hard and I was still thinking about how much she must be hurting; I wanted to help. However, as time has passed, I've had time to go over what happened in my head and to discuss it with my friends. We all came to the same conclusion:

Asking me to leave the wake was the most profoundly selfish, childish act Lisa has ever been guilty of.

If there was ever a situation where Lisa should have put aside her differences with me, even if only for the two days covering her mother's wake and funeral, this was it. But she couldn't. Instead, she made her own mother's wake all about her. I wasn't there to see her; I was there to say goodbye to her mother. But, of course, in Lisa's world, everything is about her; in her world, the mere fact that I'm there means I must be there to see her.

It's not like this is something we can go back and do later; she robbed me of my one and only chance to say goodbye to someone I loved.

What love I had for Lisa died that day. I cannot forgive her for that. Ever.

Then, there's Riin. Her rabbit died. Those rabbits are like her children; they mean everything to her. Out of kindness, I express a simple condolence. Instead of appreciating it, or at least keeping her mouth respectfully shut, she decides to vilify me in public on her blog for it. I can almost hear what she was thinking: "He's just using my bunny's death as an excuse to talk to me."

Once again, it wasn't about her personally; it was just one Human being expressing condolences to another. I would do the same for anybody. But again, like Lisa, Riin thinks everything in the Universe is about her. That's why she has a blog. She thinks that what she thinks is the most important thing in the world and that everyone should listen to her because she knows better than everyone else so she blathers on her blog to spread her "wisdom" to the world.

Great loss, particularly death, has a way of revealing a person's true colors. In the case of both Lisa and Riin, death brought out their fundamental selfishness. Despite Riin's assertion on her blog that she "practice[s] compassion towards all living things" and Lisa's claims that she still loves me, neither one of these women are capable of compassion. To them, their feelings are more important than anyone else's; if people have to get hurt so they can be happy, so be it.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think that what I've discovered about love is something that very few people nowadays realize. However, even after all I've learned about love, I still am vulnerable to bad relationships. That's the frightening part: knowing what I know didn't help me; I still made all the same mistakes everyone else does.

It took me years to figure out what these two women really were; in Lisa's case, it took over a decade. OK, back when I met Lisa I hadn't yet learned what I now know about love so I have some excuse for how the relationship got started but I have no excuse for taking 12 years to figure out what she really was.

Actually, now that I think about it, it's worse than that. I did know that Lisa was selfish even within the first year of our living together. I just didn't want to see it; I didn't want to admit it was as bad as it was. So, no matter how badly she treated me, no matter how much of my life she took over, no matter how much she took me for granted, I just took it.

Why?

I have a friend who once went through the exact same crap I did. Their "significant other" treated them just as badly and took them just as for granted as Lisa did me. I gave them good advice; I told them this person was beneath them and that they needed to get out. I know that's good advice. I know it's the right thing to do...

So why is it so hard for me to do it?

That's why I worry about this friend. I know what they're going through. Unfortunately, that also means I know how hard it is to do the right thing and I'm afraid they're going to get trapped and abused in a bad relationship for years.

Just like I did.

I have another friend who I, for the most part, disagree with as far as relationship philosophy goes. However, they were right about one thing. Before I met Lisa, indeed before I even had my first romantic relationship, they once said to me, "You're going to fall for the first woman who shows you any attention, then you'll get stuck with her and regret it."

They were 100% right.

Lisa was the first woman to ever show me any attention. I grabbed the opportunity, pushed the relationship into physical intimacy way too fast before I learned anything about her. Then, being the hopeless romantic not wanting to have my first relationship fail, I then spent the next 12 years trying to convince myself Lisa was something she was not.

Did I learn from that? No. I did the exact same thing with Riin. It wasn't as bad; at least I was friends with her for a few months before we became romantic and it took me only five years instead of 12 to figure out her true nature. Nevertheless, however, it was the exact same pattern all over again: I got into a romantic relationship way too fast before I took the time to really get to know the woman.

I thought I was in love with Lisa and Riin. I did love them... but I don't know anymore if I was ever really in love with them.

I don't love them now. Not anymore.

I've said here before that I've been "in love" with four women, including Lisa and Riin. Now, examining my feelings for all four, I realize I've only ever truly been in love with one of them. I've known this woman for a long time and we've never had a romantic relationship. So, in her case, I know I haven't blinded myself by making the relationship sexual like I did with Lisa and Riin; with her, I know, for the first time in my life, the love is real.

Despite how I feel, however, I don't think I'll ever pursue her. I may understand love, but that apparently doesn't help me; I still screwed up twice. This woman means the world to me; I do not want to lose her. I'd rather have her as a friend and keep her in my life than try pushing it and risk losing her. Besides, although she loves me, it's clear she's not in love with me; I respect that.

Of course, that doesn't mean I would oppose it if our friendship ever evolved to become romantic on its own; I'm just not going to try to make it happen. I'm just going to be thankful that this woman is in my life and let our love guide us to whatever fate wills. If it ever does become romantic, I'll take things extra slow to make sure that our relationship is solid enough that, if the romantic relationship doesn't work, I won't lose my friend.

I guess I figured love out; I just haven't figured out relationships. It seems that the two things, while related, are definitely distinctly different things.

As far as relationships goes, I think Bonobobabe* is far wiser than me. She made a recent posting on her blog about how she was going to approach a relationship she was considering; it's probably the best article I've ever read anywhere about how to get a relationship off to a healthy start.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I think I'll follow her advice from now on.

*Regarding this link: I said in a previous posting that Bonobobabe didn't want anyone linking to her blog. However, when I asked her for permission to re-post her posting on relationships here to share it with a wider audience, she told me that now allows people to link to her blog. So, for the record, the link is with her permission. ;)

Break in the Troll Case!

2009-01-29T17:56:00.000-04:00

I just got a call from the constable.

I know who the troll is!

I'm not going to reveal the name here just yet, not until formal charges are filed. However, it was, as I suspected, a former employee at my workplace; I recognized her name (yes, now I know for sure it is a woman ;)). The weird thing is, though, she's not anyone I know really well. In fact, if it's the woman I think it is, I've only ever had one conversation with her. There was a reason for that; I didn't like her much. It would appear that feeling was mutual...

The constable will be talking to her within the next few days. In the meantime, we'll be investigating at my workplace to see if she might've had any "professional" reason to dislike me that might've prompted her to do all this.

Stay tuned!

Bonobobabe

2008-12-31T00:29:00.003-04:00

One of my friends, Tom Frost Jr., has had a bit of an online feud going with a woman who goes by the online handle "Bonobobabe." She has two blogs, one public knitting blog called Woolly Musings, and one private blog (which, out of respect for her wishes, I will not link to here); I stumbled across her knitting blog while doing a search for info on my troll.

In one entry on her private blog, she mentioned that she made it private because she was trying to avoid a "stalker;" she was referring to Tom. She said she wasn't sure if he had the address of the blog. Well, he does; I gave it to him the day I discovered it.

Why? Put simply, over the past two years, I have had it up to my eyeballs with people, particularly people online, who immediately judge people on the basis of one small area of their lives, slapping labels like "stalker" on many who, while they might make pests of themselves, are otherwise harmless, good people.

Tom is a good example. He is a highly unusual individual, no doubts there. However, I've gotten to know him fairly well over the past year. I originally wrote him when he posted a comment to Riin's blog to which I originally took offense. I wrote to tell him how I felt. I didn't expect a reply; I just felt the need to express my ire. To my astonishment, he not only apologized to me but actually went to Riin and asked her to remove his comment.

This caught my attention; in his shoes, that is exactly what I would have done. That's when I realized Mr. Frost was truly a man of honor. Honorable people seem to be in unfortunately short supply these days, particularly online. So, at that point, I decided to get to know Tom better. As we corresponded, I discovered that he was one of the most interesting, kind and unusual individuals I've met online. He has since become someone I regard as a friend.

Yes, Tom is a bit obsessive compulsive. Of course, that is one of the points of identification I share with him; I am a bit OCD myself. Yes, Tom's obsessiveness might make him fairly persistent in sharing his point of view but he is otherwise harmless. If he doesn't like you he might try to get under your skin but he'd never hurt you.

That is, in fact, exactly why it troubles me that Bonobobabe slaps the label of "stalker" on him. I had the same label slapped on me as well. The simple fact is, neither Tom nor myself would ever hurt anyone. Yes, we both sometimes make pests of ourselves to make our points, but being a gadfly does not make someone a stalker.

Bonobobabe at one point whines that she has a right to an "online presence;" she feels that Tom is trying to take that away from her by harassing her into silence. The thing she fails to grasp however is that, when you have an online presence, you have to accept the fact that there are always going to be people who comment on you. You're not going to like all of them, and they are not all going to like you; that goes with the territory of being a blogger.

As far as I'm concerned, the term "stalker" should never be applied to anyone unless they actually physically follow someone around, invade private accounts (like E-mail, bank accounts etc.) or they make threats. Other than that, not every person who decides to follow someone's public image is a stalker no matter how annoying they might be.

The troll on this blog is an excellent example. He or she is bloody annoying, no denying that. However, as a blogger, that's the risk I take. I put up with this idiot for over a year and did absolutely nothing about them because, by putting my life out in cyberspace, I invited comment; I deal with it. It wasn't until they decided to physically threaten me, complete with my street address in the threat, that they crossed the line from gadfly to stalker.

In the Star Trek episode "Elaan of Troyius," Elaan, the Dohlman of Elas, had to learn polite behavior before she married the leader of Troyius, a marriage that was intended to make peace between the two warring worlds. As the leader of her world, that was her obligation, but she spent most of the episode complaining bitterly about it.

Captain Kirk castigated her for her attitude, saying: "If you enjoy the privileges and prerogatives of being a Dohlman, then be worthy of them. If you don't want the obligations that go along with the title then give it up!"

With a little paraphrasing, I could apply the every same sentiment to Bonobobabe (and, by extension, all bloggers): if you enjoy the privileges and prerogatives of having an online presence then be worthy of them. If you don't want the hassles that go along with the territory then give it up.

The Dohlman of Elaas ultimately went through with her marriage, preventing a war.

Likewise, I think Bonobobabe should continue to maintain her online presence if that's what she wants; I simply think she needs to learn to deal with the consequences, good and bad, of that choice. I mean, what's the point of having an online presence if no one knows you're there? I think she should open her blog back up to the public, suck it up and deal with people she doesn't like.

Ultimately, that's what we all must do in life.

On January 7, 2009 3:52:14 PM AST, Tom Frost Jr. wrote:

It appears that you might have succeeded in shaming her into slightly reducing the extent to which she censors us "stalkers": I see she just _approved_ a response by _you_ there!

Yes; I was somewhat surprised to see that. Not that there was anything particularly inflammatory about my comment itself but I thought she might have something against me since I admitted responsibility for deliberately trying to lead you back to her blogs.

I'm _not_ holding my breath, on the other hand, for her to approve any of _my_ responses there . . .

If you were holding your breath, you could breathe easy now, anyway. Go back and take a look; you'll see what I mean... ;)

Anyhow, in my latest . . . response there, I actually _complimented_ her, for doing her latest promotion of her eating habits in an uncharacteristically-for-her, devoid-of-negativity way. Specifically, she connected a certain set of dots which I'd never connected before:

[Editor's Note: In the blog posting in question, Bonobobabe was talking about how so many people tell her they "feel better when they eat meat" to which I replied in my comment that I feel better when I eat vegetarian.]

1. _I_ feel better when I eat meat (unlike her), _exactly_ like in her responding-to-that-concept blog title. She (and to a lesser extent, you) equates meat with junk food, which I don't.

That only speaks to the point I made on her blog that perhaps some people's bodies simply work differently. Maybe your body handles meat well; mine doesn't. Simply speaking, you, I and everyone has to decide to eat what feels right for each of us; no one standard fits every body.

However, I _would_ be happy if I could just kick the _extreme_ _version_ of that habit which I've developed lately (and which then spiraled out of control thanks to my Bible-thumping, anti-Muslim-bigot, "friend" taking me to McDonald's _thrice_ as often as _even_ _I_ _want_ to go there).

Funny you should bring that up. On a recent day trip to visit a friend I caught sight of a McDonald's when I got into her town. For some reason, I suddenly had a monster craving for a Big Mac. I didn't cave, though; like I said, my body feels too good when I keep meat out of my stomach and I wasn't about to subject myself to the... digestive problems McDonald's used to cause me... :P

But I also feel better . . . when I jump right into a creek regardless of the temperature . . .

Define "regardless of the temperature." We talking "polar bear" swims here?

[H]er censorship of that latest response there by me, is also a typical example of her ignorant, "better"-than-yours-or-mine, brand of - or in her case, I think complete lack of - humor.

As it turns out, she might not be so lacking in humor after all... ;)

Fiction and the Theory of the Universal Wavefunction

2008-12-28T23:24:00.001-04:00

I've just come from reading the comments on the latest Yehuda Moon comic. This posting started out at a comment there but, as I wrote, it became clear this was going to be a lot longer than a simple comment; I felt a blog posting would be more appropriate. Besides, this gives me an opportunity to promote Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand Cyclery a little. ;)

So, what is it that's got my inner tube in a pinch? A comment made by someone under the name of roderick. I, and several others, had made a few comments about Yehuda's riding position on his new Rapid Blue Line (a steel framed custom bike made by the shop in the comic). Roderick's reply:

people [sic] are giving a cartoon advice [sic]

This isn't the first time I've encountered people with his attitude, and not only on Yehuda Moon; my uncle has a similar attitude about all fiction. I've never understood such people. I mean, what's the point of fiction if one can't get into the fictional world? What's the point of reading a comic if, at least while you're reading it, you're not imagining the characters as flesh and blood people? Why do people like roderick even bother to read comics?

When one reads fiction, the natural tendency of the reader is to put themselves in the place of the characters. In my case, regarding the above comic, I was wondering why Yehuda chose a particular riding position which, if I was in his place, I would not have chosen. Most readers got what I was trying to ask; there were two particularly illuminating comments made by Paul and Chris Moore that explained it nicely.

I do not like roderick's tone. It's bad enough that he apparently thinks we're crazy for getting into a comic so deeply. OK, he has a right to his opinion, but does he have to be so sarcastic about it? People like roderick, the way I see it, are the Grinches of the fiction world; they know they can't get into the spirit of things the same way everyone else can so they try to make everyone else who can feel foolish for doing so.

Well, up yours with a studded tire, roderick. Be damned if I'm going to let your Grinchy attitude spoil my enjoyment of Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand Cyclery, or any other reader's enjoyment, for that matter.

So. For all the rodericks out there, let me offer you a thought that perhaps, one day, might help you join in the fun with the rest of us.

There is a theory in quantum physics called The Theory of the Universal Wavefunction. In layman's terms, subatomic particles exist as waves, essentially existing in all of their potential energy states simultaneously. From the perspective of our reality, this implies that for any event that has more than one possible outcome, all outcomes do, in fact, happen, each outcome creating an alternate "quantum reality."

Now we, making choices in our reality, only experience one outcome; the other outcomes are experienced by alternate versions of ourselves that are created at the branching point. That is to say, if I experience an event that has five possible outcomes, I experience one and four copies of me in alternate realities experience the other four. So, every event with more than one possible outcome, essentially, creates "branch" realities.

In theory, since every possible event happens at every branch point, it stands to reason that there must be a virtually infinite number of realities out there, some very similar to our own, some radically different depending on what events occurred at each branching point. Now, if this is true and, for every possibility there exists a universe where it happened, this has a very interesting implication when it comes to fiction.

Infinite possibility implies that virtually any combination of events one can imagine must have happened in some reality somewhere. In other words, if this theory is correct, it would be impossible to imagine a world that does not exist because, given infinite quantum variations, any combination that can be imagined must exist in an alternate reality somewhere.

In effect, any fictional world that you have ever read about, watched on TV, seen in a movie, watched in a play or even read in a comic must exist as a reality in some universe somewhere.

Now the barriers between quantum realities are fixed. We can't cross from one reality to another (at least in this reality ;)); if we could, it'd make life pretty confusing (see the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Parallels" for a good example of why it's better to keep quantum realities separated ;)). So, we can't go out and visit Yehuda Moon and his friends, but at least we can take comfort in the fact that they are out there. Somewhere.

So, to roderick and others like you, next time you read a comic, watch TV, go to the movie or read a good book, remember Kiri-kin-tha's First Law of Metaphysics: "Nothing unreal exists." There's no shame in giving advice to fictional characters because, like you and me, they are flesh and blood people.

Somewhere... out there. :)

On December 29, 2008 8:22:20 AM AST, the mostly reverend wrote:

is it just possible you've overreacted to his little comment? it's not the first time someone has observed--let's assume tongue-in-cheek--that it DOES seem a bit odd to be getting so wrapped up in a cartoon.

Actually, I'll admit I exaggerated my response a bit for dramatic effect. :) Still, I do believe in The Theory of the Universal Wavefunction and I do believe the theory I describe here regarding fictional universes. Further, I was also quite serious when I said I don't understand how people like that can even enjoy fiction; isn't the whole point of fiction to lose yourself in it (so long as you know when it's time to come out ;))?

one might even suggest that it's a bit odd that someone could get so wrapped around a tree trunk that they'd post something on their blog about it.

i'm certainly not suggesting that it's TRUE, i'm just sayin' . . .

;-))

Actually, truth be told, I've always wanted to do a posting on my ideas about the Theory of the Universal Wavefunction; roderick's comment simply provided an ample opportunity. :)

Idiots and Trains Don't Mix

2008-12-27T05:52:00.002-04:00

I don't remember exactly how I stumbled across this; I had been searching for Star Trek bloopers and somehow got sidetracked (no pun intended). Anyway, when I saw this, I remember a shiver just going right up my spine. Bicycle wheels can slide on railway tracks, particularly under wet conditions and/or when the tracks cross at a steep angle; if that had happened to this guy...

As a year round cyclist myself, absolutely under no circumstances would I ever do this. I do not cross a railway crossing when the signals are running if a train is approaching. Period.

I wish I could talk to this guy for just 30 seconds to find out where he was going that was so gosh darn important...

On Dec 28, 2008, at 6:18:42 AM AST, Darren Alff wrote:

I don't think it's cool to call anyone an idiot. It was the biker's choice to cross the tracks. He made it across without any problems. If he had crashed or something, then I could understand this whole video, but otherwise, I don't see what the big deal is.

The big deal, Mr. Alff, is that cyclists have enough trouble gaining respect from motorists without wantonly violating traffic law. The crossing signals were running; his cross was illegal. Besides, as I've said, if he had slipped and fell (common for cyclists on railway tracks), he would have been rail salsa. In my opinion, the cyclist did something incontrovertibly foolish; that is where he earned the label "idiot" at least as far as his riding prudence goes.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T00:00:00.001-04:00

I realize not everyone is Christian; heck, I'm not. Yes, I observe a Catholic prayer ritual but that originally started with a Catholic friend I wanted to pray for. Later, when I realized that most of my friends and loved ones are Catholic, I decided to adopt that particular ritual on a permanent basis; had my friend been Protestant, Anglican or, for that matter, a Hindu or Buddhist, the prayer could just as easily have been drawn from one of those traditions.

I believe in God. Period. Specific religious tradition is irrelevant.

Whatever my religious beliefs are now, however, I have always celebrated Christmas and I always will.

I just got a Christmas greeting from a good friend. Regular readers may recognize him; he's commented here under the identities "Wanderer," "Lonnie" and "L" in the past. He's not Christian; he follows Buddhist traditions. As a fellow non-Christian, he has his own ideas about the value of Christmas which closely mirror mine. I'd like to share his Christmas greeting with you, making a few comments of my own along the way:

Once again the Christmas season is upon us. For many of you that means time with family, friends and business associates. For those of you of non-Christian beliefs, it is a time to reflect on the past year and to look forward to the next as the short days of winter encourage more time indoors with a good book and perhaps a warm fire. But there are many who have none of these Blessings. Millions of people around the world are homeless, jobless, are grieving for loved ones who are no longer with them. I encourage you to open a compassionate heart and offer a prayer for the less fortunate.

For those of you who believe in prayer, you might want to send one my way; I'm alone this Christmas for the first time in 36 years.

In these "politically correct" times it seems dangerous to offer a holiday greeting such as "Merry Christmas" for fear of offending those of other beliefs. Yet, in my experience, my friends who are Jewish, Buddhist, and Muslim, take no offence and usually return the greeting with a cheery smile and often a warm handshake or embrace. Wishing a Merry Christmas is not meant to offend, but to extend warmth, friendship and good will into a world that is far too often cold and uncaring.

I wish more non-Christians would understand that. I actually read a blog entry recently on We Move to Canada where the author actually complained to the HR department at her workplace because someone had put religious-themed Christmas decorations in a cubicle which she shared with someone else. Personally, I think that's way overreacting, and I said so in comments to her posting.

Non-Christians, in my opinion, are getting way too sensitive about religious-themed messages, particularly when it comes to Christmas. The way I see it, a shared cubicle is semi-public space. Having to share decorating space with the other person who uses it is analogous to having someone you don't like the look of sit next to you on a bus; so long as their decorations don't crowd out yours and vice versa, that's just something you have to deal with in public.

Now, this same person also wrote an entry about a Christmas card she got that was obviously intended to push a Christian agenda. Now I understand why she's upset with that. It's one thing to simply display decorations themed around one's religious beliefs; it's quite another to launch an attack against the beliefs of another. Going back to our bus analogy, that's like the person sitting next to you telling you to move because they don't want to be near you.

If she, or anyone else, has a problem with Christmas, that's their right. However, such people need to remember that not everyone feels the way they do. They also need to remember that not every person wishing people Merry Christmas is trying to push a religious agenda; for most people, myself among them, it's simply meant as an expression of goodwill which transcends the holiday's religious origins.

That being said, I'd like to leave you all with Lonnie's Christmas wishes; he expresses how I feel about the season perfectly:

So, I offer to all of you… Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Muslim, Pagan, Wiccan, Native American, and those of you who celebrate religious beliefs I have not even heard of, a warm and wonderful season to correspond with the winter solstice… In other words,

Merry Christmas!