Zoom Zoom

OK. This rain sucks. I'm sick of rain.

That's it. I give. Enough with the bike; time to get a car.

Yes, it might surprise people to know I'm not a total car neophyte. I grew up with an uncle who absolutely loves his cars so, listening to him and observing him over the years, I think I've learned enough about them to pick out a good one. :)

I need something reliable and fuel efficient. Ideally I'd like to have an electric car but something tells me trying to get something like that around here might be a wee bit problematic, at least if I don't want to have to wait. I think I might get a Honda. My uncle would probably say Toyota but a friend of mine has a Honda and I gotta say I love the idea of that digital speedometer in the dash, directly under your view of the road; easy to keep an eye on in my peripheral vision. :)

I wonder how early the Honda dealership on the way to work opens? Maybe I could swing by there on my way in to work; that way I won't have to walk all the way. Wish I could ride but I was involved in a near collision with a duck crossing the road Wentworth Park on my way home tonight. I managed to miss the duck but drove the bike into the curb, then pretty much flew face and eyes right down into the frickin' pond. Front wheel's pretty bent up.

Don't worry, I didn't get hurt too badly; just some road rash on my shins and some very wet, gooey clothing (what the hell's in that water, anyway?! :P).

Hm. Y'know, if I'm gonna get a car, I might as well go whole hog and get off this vegetarian kick. Now that I have a car, I'll be able to go to Mickey D's drive through and make a pig of myself if I want to; as Crocodile Dundee points out, no one'll ever see me making a pig of myself if I'm safely in my car. :)

I wonder what color I should get? I used to like the idea of red but I don't know; it's OK for a bike but on a car, meh. Not my taste. Black? Too hard to keep clean. I'm thinking purple. That or hot pink. Something that'll grab attention so cyclists'll see me coming; given the way most cyclists drive their bikes around here that'd probably be my only hope of not having some idiot barreling off the sidewalk and right over my brand new hood...

Of course, the parking lot at my building here is pretty full; not sure where I'm gonna keep this thing. Hm. Maybe I should move. With a car, I could conceivably move to Antigonish and still be able to make the commute back and forth to work. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. That way, I'm close enough to my friend Rob to go visit him more often while still close enough to Sydney to stay in touch with my friends here! Sweet!

Yup. That settles it. Once I get my new car, I think a hot pink Honda with blue trim, I'm going to start apartment hunting in Antigonish. Find a nice basement apartment, preferably without any windows; that should make it easier to sleep through the day on the weekends if I feel like it.

Oh, wait a minute... I had an even better idea! Get a Winnebago! Perfect! Then, wherever I go, I could take my whole home with me! No more rent to pay! Woo hoo! A big, hot pink Winnebago with blue trim and purple awnings! Or better yet maybe I could convert an old school bus into livable space! I've heard others have done it. Well, it'll be a b*tch to park but, then again, more room than a Winnebago...

Hm... if I'm going to go that far, I might as well go whole hog; I wonder if Acadian Lines has any old motor coaches they're not using anymore I can get for a good deal? Now that would be like having a small house with me wherever I go, and once you get the hot pink paint job on that no way anyone's gonna miss me coming! Hell, that might even be big enough for entertaining! Put in a bar! Better go check with Mike Holmes on the building codes that apply to motor coaches...

Oh yeah! And Acadian lines is open at 6:00 AM! Plenty of time to get down there and buy my dream vehicle and still have plenty of time to get to work!

Well that settles it. Bye bye bike, hello motor home converted motor coach, hot pink with blue trim, purple awnings and green tinted windows with a full bath, bar, dance floor, two bedrooms, BluRay DVD home theater. This is gonna be awesome!

All I need to do now is get the funds. So, if you're reading this, please help me out and give generously; just send your PayPal payments to aprilfools@ifellforit.org. I think $500,000.00 should be enough; I think I have enough time to raise that much before hell freezes over on April 1, 2012...