Cheating vs Polyamory

Anyone who knows me knows that my previous two romantic relationships were not consecutive; they were concurrent. This is a concept called "polyamory" where one is involved with more than one person at a time, each party with the full knowledge of the others. Not everyone understood that; more often than not, I'd get chastised for "cheating." In fact, I got that comment relatively recently from someone with whom the topic came up.

I'd like to explain my position on this here; that way, next time I get into this discussion, I'll just point people to this entry and say, "Here; fill your boots." ;)

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition defines "cheat" as, "To act dishonestly; practice fraud." Now it's obvious how this applies, for example, to the man sneaking around on his wife. By keeping his second relationship a secret from his wife (and, in most cases, keeping the wife from the other woman as well) he is being dishonest; he is a fraud passing himself off as a single man to the second woman and as a faithful man to his wife.

It is in this definition of "cheat" where the difference between a cheater and a person who practices polyamory becomes clear. Whereas the man above is misrepresenting himself to the women, I in my situation was not misrepresenting myself in any way. Both women I was involved with was aware of my relationship with the other and both gave full consent to my having relationships with both (actually, they even had a relationship with each other briefly ;)).

To me, the bedrock on which all good relationships lie, whether they be friend, family or romantic, is honesty. One thing I would never do to anyone is "cheat." I do believe one can be in love with, and involved with, more than one partner but only if all partners agree.

If, some day, I ever find myself in a new relationship with someone I truly love and my new partner wants me to remain faithful only to her I'll do that without question; I did it with Lisa for years, after all (we didn't start out polyamorous; Lisa introduced me to the concept much later). Given that, I must admit, when people ask me if I'm still polyamorous that's a hard question to answer; I still believe in the concept but one can't really be polyamorous when they're single... :P

I will say this. I try not to judge people but, honestly, I don't trust cheaters; I can't. The way I see it, if one can keep a secret that huge from someone, something they obviously have a right to know, I'll always question how honest that person is being with me, and not only in a romantic relationship; I would have trouble trusting a friend who cheats, too, because dishonesty is dishonesty regardless of its form.

One thing anyone in my life, family, friend or lover, can count on: I'll never keep anything from you that you have a right to know.

Anyway, as Forrest Gump might say, "That's all I have to say about that." :)

Glorify God for His Gift

James Delorey has been found! :) He's not in ideal condition; last I heard his pulse was weak and he was being airlifted to Halifax for medical treatment but he is alive! Honestly, after all the time he was out there unprotected, I wasn't expecting that; it's a miracle he is alive.

The Prayer of Petition to St. Rita says that if she answers a prayer you must "make known [her] favor and . . . glorify God for His gift." Well, St. Rita has answered this prayer so I'd like to say in public and for the record: thank you.

Now, we need your help one more time:

Glorious St. Rita, Patroness of those in need, your intercession with our Lord is most powerful. Through the favors obtained by your prayers, you have been called advocate of hopeless and even impossible cases. St. Rita, humble and pure, patient and compassionate lover of Christ Crucified, we have confidence that everyone who has recourse to you will find comfort and relief.

Listen to our petitions and show your power with God on our behalf. Obtain our petitions for us if they are for the greater honor of God and for our good. We promise, if our petitions are granted, to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift. Relying on your power with the Merciful Savior, we ask of you:

Please help heal seven-year-old James Delorey of South Bar, Nova Scotia. Although he has been found, he is not well; he needs your love and support if he is going to recover. Please grant James the strength to survive until his wounds heal and guide the doctors who treat him to evaluate his injuries properly and provide the proper treatment.

By the singular merits of your childhood, obtain our request for us:

• By your perfect union with the Divine Will.
• By your acceptance of troubles in your married life.
• By the anguish felt at the murder of your husband.
• By the surrender of your children rather than have them offend God.
• By your miraculous entrance into the convent.
• By your daily penance and fasting.
• By your courage and joy in bearing the mark of the Crucified Savior.
• By the Devine Love which consumed your life.
• By your devotion in receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
• By the happiness you felt in leaving this life for union with Christ.
• By the example you have given to people of every state of life.

Pray for us, St. Rita, that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ.

Heavenly Father, in Your infinite love and mercy, You heed the prayer of Your beloved servant Rita. You graciously grant favors through her intercession which are considered impossible to human skill and effort. Relying on her compassionate love, we ask You to assist us in our trials and difficulties. Let unbelievers know that You are helper of the humble, the defender of the weak and the strength of those who trust in You.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Prayer for a Lost Boy

Glorious St. Rita, Patroness of those in need, your intercession with our Lord is most powerful. Through the favors obtained by your prayers, you have been called advocate of hopeless and even impossible cases. St. Rita, humble and pure, patient and compassionate lover of Christ Crucified, we have confidence that everyone who has recourse to you will find comfort and relief.

Listen to our petitions and show your power with God on our behalf. Obtain our petitions for us if they are for the greater honor of God and for our good. We promise, if our petitions are granted, to make known your favor and to glorify God for His gift. Relying on your power with the Merciful Savior, we ask of you:

Protect and guide seven-year-old James Delorey of South Bar, Nova Scotia; he has wandered away from home without protection from the elements. Help him find the rescuers who are searching for him and, until then, help him find a way to protect and shelter himself. Please help return him to his family safe and unharmed.

By the singular merits of your childhood, obtain our request for us:

• By your perfect union with the Divine Will.
• By your acceptance of troubles in your married life.
• By the anguish felt at the murder of your husband.
• By the surrender of your children rather than have them offend God.
• By your miraculous entrance into the convent.
• By your daily penance and fasting.
• By your courage and joy in bearing the mark of the Crucified Savior.
• By the Devine Love which consumed your life.
• By your devotion in receiving the Blessed Sacrament.
• By the happiness you felt in leaving this life for union with Christ.
• By the example you have given to people of every state of life.

Pray for us, St. Rita, that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ.

Heavenly Father, in Your infinite love and mercy, You heed the prayer of Your beloved servant Rita. You graciously grant favors through her intercession which are considered impossible to human skill and effort. Relying on her compassionate love, we ask You to assist us in our trials and difficulties. Let unbelievers know that You are helper of the humble, the defender of the weak and the strength of those who trust in You.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.