Monday, March 23, 2009

An Unexpected Call

Guess who I got a call from last night.

Lisa. Of all people.

I tore a strip off her, good and solid. I maintained decorum of speech, mind you; I didn't resort to swearing or name calling. However, I made it abundantly clear exactly how I felt about her decision to kick me out of her mother's wake, something I've been wanting to tell her for quite some time.

I think the way I reacted took her by surprise. From the tone of her voice when she first called, I think she was expecting me to be conciliatory and wanting to work things out. I did want to work things out. Once. Not anymore. Not since I discovered she was capable of callousness of such a magnitude that she could take away a man's one and only chance to say goodbye to someone they loved in life as Lisa did when she had me asked to leave the wake.

I asked her why she did that. Know what she said?

"I was afraid you might start something with me."

Those were her exact words.

It's been my experience that most of us, when dealing with others whom we don't know or understand, tend to fill in the pieces we don't know about a person with pieces of our own personalities. Now, despite having known me for 12 years, Lisa never really understood me. Maybe understanding me was simply beyond her ability. Maybe she didn't care enough to even try to get to know me.

In either case, put simply, she does not know me (not nearly as well as she should, or as well as she thinks she does).

Seeing me arrive at her mother's wake, Lisa had to make her best guess how I might behave. Since she doesn't know me, she thought about how she might react in my place. Lisa has always reacted first, thought later; she knows full well, if she came to, say, my grandmother's wake and was upset with me at the time she would not be able to keep her feelings to herself. So she projected that onto me, assuming I would do the same.

Well I didn't. Not even when I was asked to leave (and, if there was ever a legitimate reason to be angry, that was it).

I know I've made mistakes. I haven't always handled situations with Lisa the best possible way. Still, I just can't get my mind around how she could've shared my life for 12 years and known so little about me that she'd think I would do something so reprehensible as to make a scene at somebody's wake.

If that's all she thinks of me, I'm also at a bit of a loss to understand why she even bothered to call me in the first place.

That's what's bothering me the most. When I asked her point blank why she called, all she'd say is, "I just needed to hear your voice." Well, that might make sense in a normal relationship context but not after everything that's happened. I could tell by the tone of her voice; she wanted to say something but I think, when I snapped back at her so hard, she lost her nerve and decided not to say what was on her mind.

The call dropped (or she may have hung up; I'm not sure) before I could get an answer to that. I've been trying to reach her ever since. She wouldn't pick up her phone last night and it's off now. Evidently, she refuses to face me.

I wish she'd at least have enough intestinal fortitude to face the consequences of her actions like an adult and at least tell me why she called.

I think she has a responsibility to at least explain that.

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