A Long Yarny Day

Hm...

For the first time since she broke up with me, Riin actually mentioned the breakup in her most recent post as of this writing, A Long Yarny Day.

So, it seems that she's done taking time for herself. That's good. At least that means she's recovering emotionally. What this will mean for our relationship, however, is anyone's guess.

I'd like to hope that, as she recovers, she'll start to miss what we had and reconsider her position. However, I can't bear to hope that as I've hoped that in the past and had my hopes dashed into a million pieces shortly thereafter. Besides, I know Riin. Even if she does start to miss me, she'll just suppress those feelings, just as she suppressed her feelings of love for me in the beginning and, chances are, she'll never let them out if left to her own devices.

That's the frustrating thing. Normally, I'd be the one helping her through this, but she won't even let me speak to her...

I just wish I could help... and I know I could, if only I could reach her. I know exactly how to make her feel better. I always did. Problem is, I got so selfish and self-centered that I spent too much time talking about my own feelings and not enough time considering hers.

I want to reach out to her... but I know my hands would only be slapped away... and I think it's the fact that I can't help her that hurts just as much, if not more, than the loss of her.

Also, one last thing I'd like to mention. My original life partner, Lisa Brewer, has been through a lot since Riin broke up with me, too. She loved her, too, and she's just as hurt as I am, not to mention angry with Riin over the way she's handled this and how she's hurt me in the process. I'd just like to say thank you, Lisa, for sticking by me through this. I wouldn't know how to survive this without you. *HUG*

I love you both. I always will.