Jewels

I stumbled across this comment on Riin's blog. It's been there for a week, but I didn't come across it until late last night (I haven't been checking her blog all that frequently lately):

I told him a long time ago he needed help, but he doesn’t believe in therapy. I quit reading his blog some time ago. I don’t even read Technorati anymore. I stopped after I saw he was posting my private emails on his blog. He’s really showed his true colors. I don’t even want to know what he’s saying about me anymore.

I'm not going to even bother responding. I explained my reasons for publishing her E-mail quite explicitly in my earlier postings Tactical Alert and Facing Anger. As for the part about therapy, I'd rather address my response, not to Riin but to "Jewels," the person whose comment prompted Riin's. Jewels said:

I still read this guys blog and i am wondering does he need help? I really don’t think he gets the big picture here.

I'd prefer to respond to this privately, but as she doesn't leave contact information with her comments, and as she did indicate she's still reading this blog, I'll settle for responding here.

So. To Jewels:

I needed help in the beginning. No doubt about that. Truth be told, I had even started the process of getting a referral to a therapist, but my doctor was on vacation and I was unable to get one right away (I can't afford to pay for a therapist but, in Canada, if a doctor refers you, your health care will cover them).

However, as Riin herself points out, just writing down your thoughts in a blog can be very therapeutic in and of itself. By the time my doctor got back, I'd already worked out pretty much everything I needed to, so I don't see much point in therapy now. That's why I've been posting so little about Riin lately. I haven't given up trying to reach her but, as far as the blog is concerned, unless something changes (like your comment), I really have nothing left to say.

As for not getting the big picture, I think it's you who's not getting it. There are two things your comment doesn't take into account.

First, since the beginning of this, Riin has been acting as if she's totally blameless in this situation. She is not. There are two sides to every story. She chides me for publishing her personal E-mail, but she conveniently leaves out the fact that publishing her letter was prompted by her threat of police action against me, a response way out of proportion with the situation (and I have documentation to prove it).

I published one E-mail, one that contained no personal information whatsoever. I published it to establish my innocence in the matter, just as Riin and her ex-husband published these letters to defend themselves against the threats of a neighbor prompted by a letter to the editor she wrote in her local paper. The way she tells it, it sounds like I'm going to go publishing my complete archive of her correspondence just for dirt.

Second, people on both sides of this also have feelings. I don't think it's fair that you judge me without talking to me and asking me how I feel. There's a stigma in society. We don't talk about it much, but it's there: "Breakups are always the man's fault." Bullshit. I've seen dozens of breakups and, inevitably, they are caused by mistakes made on both sides. Things generally don't truly hit bottom unless both sides screw up somehow.

I invite you to E-mail me privately. At least then, you can have both sides of the story before you make up your mind.